I’m not a technology expert. I don’t work at the Apple store or anything. I have a pretty basic cell phone. Steve Wozniak never visited my baby in the hospital. But I’m pretty confident that this latest Miley Cyrus story makes no technological or even just logical sense. Yesterday Miley tweeted a photo of a text conversation between herself and someone named Fefe, who may or may not be Fefe Dobson, whom I haven’t heard about in like ten years but whose music I now have an urge to listen to for the rest of the day. In the conversation, Miley talks about being “miserable,” crying herself to sleep and taking a “zanny” (Xanax if you’re a square). Take a looksy below.
Miley of course deleted the tweet (Can we put a limit on celebrity tweletions?) and then said she’d been hacked (okay, sure Chipotle), but then she deleted that tweet and decided to go with the explanation that her butt was responsible for the error.
Never mind. Realized I’m just an idiot & somehow I butt tweeted my conversation. Missing home #foodpoisoningsabitch
— Miley Ray Cyrus (@MileyCyrus) July 25, 2013
I just… I don’t understand how her butt could have done this. It’s difficult to figure out in general, but the fact that the conversation includes a reference to a prescription anxiety/insomnia medication and complaints that she’s crying herself to sleep makes it especially confounding. It’s just too perfect. Not that it’s perfect that Miley’s miserable and taking medication. But perfect in that I think someone’s out to get her. And that someone is Miley’s butt. There’s no other explanation. Miley’s butt must have become self-aware, realized Miley never gives it real pants to wear, and decided to exact revenge. So it saw this very personal, possibly concerning conversation on her phone and decided to take a screenshot, attach it to a tweet and wait for its sweet, sweet vengeance to take effect.
To be fair, Miley has been tweeting about being sick while overseas, so the whole miserable thing might just have to do with that and not with her engagement or her inability to name a single One Direction song. Although that would definitely make me miserable too. But can we set up some kind of reconciliation between Miley and her butt before this gets out of control and her butt starts tweeting something else embarrassing or incriminating? Let’s get Benson and Stabler on the case. Just because.