Did you guys all watch The Bachelorette last night? We haven’t quite made it to the finale yet, unfortunately, but we’re getting close, because this was the Men Tell All episode. On the one hand, it means we have to listen to two hours of these guys trying to vie for enough screen time to be the next Bachelor, but on the other hand, it means we’re one week closer to being done with Desiree Hartsock and her increasingly cloying behaviors and references to this whole thing being ‘a fairytale’. It’s the little things.
A lot of the guys got a chance to speak — especially those who went out with a bang like Fantasy Suite guy from the first night, or James of the Crocodile Tears, but we’d rather focus on the things they didn’t say than the things they did. So behold: 15 Unanswered Questions From The Men Tell All.
- Who the next Bachelor will be when the show returns in January.
- Why those viewing parties were pretending to be surprised when Chris Harrison and Des came in…when they already had film crews in their living rooms.
- Why in the name of the sweet sweet LORD Juan Pablo was ever eliminated.
- Where Zak W. purchased that very fine set of floor-to-ceiling teeth.
- What all these men see in Des. I’m not even trying to be a dick, I just really don’t get it. She seems so boring to me.
- Why it isn’t written into these guys’ contracts that they have to appear on the Men Tell All episode. We missed out on catching up on Girlfriend-Brian because he bailed!
- From whence Michael graduated to receive his degree in reality TV lawyering.
- Who taught the audience how to boo. Because they suck at it.
- Why Juan Pablo isn’t just hosting this show.
Whether I’ve mentioned yet that I love Juan Pablo.Sorry, that one doesn’t count, because it definitely was answered. (YES.)
- What the actual deal is with Ben and his kid.
- Why James didn’t go into beauty pageant-ing with those rambling answers.
- How many Jersey Shore residents had to go without spray tan to provide enough for this whole room.
- Who stole Desiree’s cleavage in that dress.
- How it’s possible that Des still doesn’t know how to pronounce my husband Juan Pablo’s name.