9 Things You Need To Know For This Season Of Sister Wives

Sister Wives season five cast 2013The TLC show Sister Wives about a Mormon polygamist, Kory Brown, and his four wives — Meri, Janelle, Christine, and Robyn — returned last night, in all of its reality TV glory. It can get kind of tiring just watching people sneak around behind their partners’ backs on all the Real Housewives franchises, so it’s such a relief to see this guy doing it out in the open! Because Kody is dedicated to the big lord Jesus in the sky, every so often he is instructed by that lord to pluck another lady from his Mormon hordes, marry her, and waste no time in making her great with child. Also it’s very important that she be younger, skinnier, and prettier than his previous wives. Jesus and all the other Latter-Day Saints were very specific about that.

So we’re on the fifth season now, but as long as we’re being honest with each other, I should admit that I’m a little new here, myself. I’ve seen enough episodes to remember these ladies’ names and get their basic deal, but I still do feel a little like a fish out of water. (Or whatever the Mormon version is of that saying — a Joseph Smith out of top hat? I think that’s accurate.) So anyway, I decided to catch you up a little, so we can all be on the same page going in. Here are the # Things You Need To Know For This Season Of Sister Wives.

  1. Altogether, this family consists of seventeen children. Which sounds impressive at first, until you realize that the Duggars have nineteen all on their own, with only one mama bear. This is amateur hour, Browns, get your heads in the game.
  2. Ever since the family moved from Utah to Vegas two years ago, they’ve all been living separately, which is TOTES inconvenient for poor Kody, because he has to drive from house to house performing his filial duties.
  3. HOWEVER. Last night they finally did the framing walkthrough for their four adjoining houses, so domestic bliss is within sight once more. The proposed move-in date is Christmas, and blessed be the angel Moroni.
  4. Most of the drama from last night came from disagreements over how to support the family. Janelle wants to focus on her real estate career, and Robyn wants to focus on the family business, but is mad because she doesn’t feel supported.
  5. The family is also getting significant backlash from the community because of being lumped in with Fundamentalist Mormons, a group they apparently think they don’t belong to. The FLDS church is pretty much constantly being investigated on charges from bigamy to child abuse to fraud, and they’re eager to distance themselves from that community, although they identify as members of Apostolic United Brethren (AUB), an FLDS sect.
  6. The youngest child, Solomon, turned one last episode, while the oldest child, Logan, went to college last season.
  7. While Janelle and Christine both have six children and Robyn has four (three from a previous marriage and one with Kody), Meri has only had one, although she’s been pregnant twice. She’d like to have more children, mostly because there’s intense pressure from the rest of the household, but she worries she couldn’t carry it to term, because she’s forty-two years old.
  8. After a weekend of bonding at the trade show, Robyn offers to be a surrogate mother for Meri, carrying her child so she doesn’t have to resort to something like IVF. She hasn’t necessarily taken her up on the offer, but she appreciates it and she’s keeping her options open.
  9. As much as you want to hate this show, it’s surprisingly addicting. Sigh. I’ll see you next week.

(Image: Examiner)

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    • Elizabeth Drysdale

      You should probably get your facts straight because they are not LDS (aka Mormon) and the fact that you are saying that is insulting to the mormon community.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        You should probably tell them that, because they seem to think they’re part of the AUB (Apostolic United Brethren) which is a sect of the FLDS church. It may not be convenient to the main branch of Mormonism, but they consider themselves Mormon and identify with the culture.

      • Elizabeth Drysdale

        Note that you said that they are part of another church that identifies itself with Mormonism. This does not make them Mormon or recognized by the lds church and as such calling them Mormons is incorrect.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        I didn’t say anything about the church recognizing them as Mormons, I said that they identify as Mormons themselves. I know the difference between the FLDS and LDS church.

      • Rachael

        Actually, in several past episodes, they clearly state that they are NOT Mormon/LDS.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        I said FLDS! Cripes!

    • Josie

      Not quite accurate, but good effort.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        That means I get an A!

    • Melody

      Screw Those People! Who Cares About This Church Crap!
      Good Article.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Glad you enjoyed it!

    • Pingback: Sister Wives Recap (Season 5, Episode 2): The Wives Divided()

    • KSlove

      I watch it and feel close to the ladies for their blindness and ignorance. I feel for them because they seem to be really good mothers and good women. He (Kody) isn’t in this for the “Lord”, he’s in it for the power and the sex. Period.

    • Josie~ottawa

      I am honestly not trying to be rude or start a scene but I have watched this show from the beginning and like all families there is struggle, pain love and communication. The difference I see from starting of the show to most rescent is how much they have grown as a family. It has to be hard to grow and have arguements on national tv. One thing is for sure they are stay together, I have heard more than once on the show from all woman if that life wasn’t what they wanted they would leave. I think it’s rude to critze people and how they live there lives, if they are truely happy than leave them be. That’s just my peace.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        It’s not like I’m snooping into their lives to pass judgements, though. They’re putting themselves on national television, which opens them up to discussion, I think.

    • Tonje

      His name is Kody, and it’s not the fifth season, but 4!

    • Maggie

      I’d like to reach out to Meri, I’m so sorry about your up coming empty nest. I really think you should think about having another child. Your not to old and women are doing it everyday. Myself I’m 45yrs, old and I have one son, Now me I would’nt start all over but you seen like you’d be a great mom again. I’ll pray for you, I’m Irish catholic and really can’t understand sharring my husband but to each it’s own. God Bless Meri, your in my daily prayers