Another day, another Kris-Jenner-Can’t-Possibly-Get-Any-Worse-Oh-Wait-Yep-She-Can moment. Let me catch you up: Kris Jenner has a talk show. That talk show is on a six week “trial run” to see if it’ll do well enough to make a permanent feature of our senseless daytime television lineup. Her talk show is awful. Her talk show has been slammed by critics in their reviews.
So what’s a maniacal momager to do? Bribe a New York Post columnist for a better review, of course! I mean, duh. Linda Stassi, columnist for the New York Post, is one of these critics. She can be quoted as saying Jenner had as much right hosting a show as her “talentless daughter had for hosting a talent show” and that she came across as a “demented Norma Desmond.” No lie, I almost purred like a kitten after reading that because it was so incredibly delicious and perfect.
Anyway, Kris took it upon herself to respond appropriately. So she sent Stassi a dozen Magnolia cupcakes and a $325 sterling silver Tiffany pen. In a note to Stassi (no word on whether it was written in said expensive pen) Jenner wrote that perhaps she could use the pen to write a “better review next time.”
Mmmm… close but no cigar. She’s just not as good with the zingers as she should be, you know? But then, you have to be smart to be funny and yadda yadda yadda, Kris isn’t. She’s just really good at pimping out her family for money, which any simpleton can do these days, really.
Oh but that’s not all! Stassi responded to Kris Jenner’s bribery attempt with the zinger-of-all-zingers (okay, so she’s paid to…but still): “I cannot be bought – for a pen. A pen and pencil set, maybe – but just a pen? To improve your rating, Mrs. Kardashian-Jenner, either you somehow become interesting, which given the data seems as likely as the pope turning Jewish, or you do better with the bribes.”
Better hit up that Tiffany’s catalog and start over, gurl!