Okay okay okay, so it wasn’t actually the royal baby who just pranked the world just now, but I’m really enjoying the image of a scheming fetus cackling happily in London somewhere, so let’s all just go with it, yeah? Reporters started camping out three weeks ago in front of area hospitals, hoping to be among the first to get a glimpse of Kate Middleton as she arrives to bring forth HRH Babycakes, tall and proud on the arm of Prince William, his bald pate fluttering in the wind.
But either Kate is overdue, the royal family lied about the due date, or this baby has been out for days and is currently relaxing in a snug cottage in the British countryside somewhere, because it’s been a silent and deadly three weeks. And not like the fart kind, either, where there’s at least a flurry of activity while everyone tries to find out who passed such silent and putrid gas — the boring kind. Twenty-one days of that, and no end in sight.
UNTIL! Hark! Random sources all over the internet started saying that Kate and William had left the Middleton family home and were en route to London! It seemed too good to be true! But there they were! On the steps of the hospital! The tired, bored reporters waiting for something to happen — anything to happen — gave a ragged cheer! Huzzah!
Except. It was just an extremely canny prank by UK paperÂ The Sun, who hired lookalikes and sent them to the hospital with t-shirts that say ‘No1 FOR ROYAL BABY NEWS’. And they’re seriously excellent lookalikes. I’m really impressed, you evil geniuses. This is is such a solid prank that I wish I’d thought of it. Think of it — right now picture of t-shirts blasting ‘READ CRUSHABLE WE ARE BABIES TOO’ could be plastered all over the internet. What a missed opportunity.
No but seriously guys, where is this baby. I’m starting to think Kate Middleton took Lamaze classes with Jessica Simpson and she taught the duchess how to keep it in the oven for extra honey-glazing. It’s unreal.
Sigh. Let #royalbabywatch continue.