When I first heard that Adam Levine had proposed to some stunning wood nymph from the forests of Victoria Secreta by the name of Behati Prinsloo, I was so excited. Here, finally, would be a story for the ages. Finally I could learn how a notorious womanizer asks the hand in marriage of a lithe ladymodel. I was anticipating spontaneous tandem cliff-diving through a flock of trained white swans who would cushion the couple with their delicate wings, bringing them gently to earth where a choir of baby angels was singing the national anthem and Oprah was waiting to hand Behati the one ring to rule them all.
That’s the kind of game I was expecting from a man who’s made his name on inserting himself into every single one of the most beautiful models to walk this green planet, but instead I got that same old tired traditional ish: he apparently just got down on one knee and asked the girl. UGH. GROSS. Behati was spotted for the first time post-proposal at Mercer Kitchen, and answered some questions about her engagement:
“I am so happy and excited and still can’t believe it’s true! It was a one-knee thing! It was serious, it was very old school!”
Okay wait, but WHAT? Are you serious? C’mon man! No sky-writer? No flash mob? You couldn’t even hide the ring in food? (Note: if you ever propose to me, dare not hide the ring in food, for I will snarf it up and be none the wiser. That’s just how I live my ravenous life.) You’re supposed to be this unattainable bachelor! It’s cliche enough that at thirty-four, you’re proposing to a girl that’s twenty-four and whom you’ve dated for less than a year WITH a breakup in the middle! Why you gotta go all typical with the delivery method of said proposal, as well? I had faith in you, Adam Levine. You were supposed to stand for something in this world.
As of right now the couple has no immediate plans to marry, instead “just celebrating with our friends and family at the moment.” Well celebrate more excitingly from now on, why don’t you? Nude para-sailing or something. I don’t know.
(Image: Alberto Reyes / WENN.com)