Miley Cyrus Invited Her Nipples To Good Morning America, I See

Miley Cyrus at 'Good Morning America'Sometimes you just can’t think of the perfect date to bring to a specific function, y’know? Just take it from me — I can’t count on two hands the amount of letters I’ve written to Miss Manners asking the sort of person I should bring to a black tie Williamsburg bat mitzvah luncheon or an Upper East Side nudie barbecue gala. She rarely writes back or responds to my letters, and I’m starting to believe that she does the same thing to Miley Cyrus, because Miley and I have been having very similar responses to these types of situations. 

What I do, and what I’ve seen her do, and what I recommend to you in these situations, is just to bring along your own set of nipples as a date! They’re pert, they’re perky, they’re responsive to changes in temperature without being overly complain-y over cocktails. What could be better? And don’t put a bra over them, either! Let ‘em sing out! Don’t hide ‘em under a bushel!

I bring my nips to all sorts of events instead of walking around with a silly old man on my arm, and Miley recently brought hers to Good Morning America. Man, yeah, that’s a really clutch move. Because who else are you gonna bring to a buttcrack early morning show? Your fake fiancé Liam Hemsworth? That’ll never work, because in order to check him out of the Hemsworth Archives, I think you need at least three weeks’ notice and a signed note from your doctor. At least that’s what they told me when I tried to check Chris out.

Anyway, Miley showed up in a tight-fitting black dress from Chanel, with her two guests right out front in the place of honor. Once inside, she changed into a stylish top for her interview that you and I know by its street name — ‘bra’. All in all it was a great day to be friends with Miley, and even more so if you’re on her body. Stay tuned for more updates in Miley’s ongoing battle to wear less and less without ever quite showing up anywhere entirely in the nude.

(Image: TNYF /

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    • Jill O’Rourke

      She was so close with that dress, too. Just one bra away from looking like a fully-clothed human being.

      • abbeysbooks

        What you got against nipples. Bras are a variable contributing to breast cancer. They inhibit blood flow around the lymph nodes where that part of the breast is most likely to have cancer.Chinese acupuncture follow the blood flow, the meridians, and where there are blockages, there is disease.Good for Miley.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        I have nothing against them! I have a sterling pair of my own! Made out of real sterling silver!

    • Mandy

      She looks lovely, conservative lady who wrote this article.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Sorry it took me a little bit to get back to you, I was starching my bonnet.

    • MCR

      Sorry, but this time you’re just being silly and pointlessly mean. She’s modestly dressed, and it’s quite possible for nipples to be apparent even when wearing a bra, if it’s not the kind with those heavy-duty moulded liners. Do women really need one more thing to feel self-conscious about? For that matter, are we going to get indignant when men walk around with the shape of their nipples showing through their tee shirts?
      You’re dealing with celebrities here. I’m sure you can find something more worthy of ridicule than this.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Yeah! There was a ton of coverage when Simon Cowell’s nipples showed through his shirt, back whenever that was.

      • MCR

        Seriously? So what was he supposed to do about it, wear a nipple burqa?

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        I guess turn the heat up in the room.

    • CACIQUE22

      when you got no talent showing your nipples is all you got left