Sometimes you just can’t think of the perfect date to bring to a specific function, y’know? Just take it from me — I can’t count on two hands the amount of letters I’ve written to Miss Manners asking the sort of person I should bring to a black tie Williamsburg bat mitzvah luncheon or an Upper East Side nudie barbecue gala. She rarely writes back or responds to my letters, and I’m starting to believe that she does the same thing to Miley Cyrus, because Miley and I have been having very similar responses to these types of situations.
What I do, and what I’ve seen her do, and what I recommend to you in these situations, is just to bring along your own set of nipples as a date! They’re pert, they’re perky, they’re responsive to changes in temperature without being overly complain-y over cocktails. What could be better? And don’t put a bra over them, either! Let ‘em sing out! Don’t hide ‘em under a bushel!
I bring my nips to all sorts of events instead of walking around with a silly old man on my arm, and Miley recently brought hers to Good Morning America. Man, yeah, that’s a really clutch move. Because who else are you gonna bring to a buttcrack early morning show? Your fake fiancé Liam Hemsworth? That’ll never work, because in order to check him out of the Hemsworth Archives, I think you need at least three weeks’ notice and a signed note from your doctor. At least that’s what they told me when I tried to check Chris out.
Anyway, Miley showed up in a tight-fitting black dress from Chanel, with her two guests right out front in the place of honor. Once inside, she changed into a stylish top for her interview that you and I know by its street name — ‘bra’. All in all it was a great day to be friends with Miley, and even more so if you’re on her body. Stay tuned for more updates in Miley’s ongoing battle to wear less and less without ever quite showing up anywhere entirely in the nude.
(Image: TNYF / WENN.com)