Magazines love to “let us in” on the private lives of celebs, like where they shop, how they lost that pesky 2.75 lbs, and who sells them recreational drugs. When we’re especially lucky, we get to learn about their beauty secrets…that are usually just normal things, like washing your face with H2O. I know, I should’ve warned you that I was going to drop that explosive piece of cosmetic genius. But that’s how it is in the real world, kid; one second, you’re sitting sadly with your face in your palms wondering how in the world Emma Stone has such expertly exfoliated skin and the next, she shares that she exfoliates with —gasp!— baking soda. Reading Emma’s recent confession (can I call it that?) made me think of all of the celeb beauty secret reveals that were really just common things that a ton of people already do. And, believe me, there were quite a few.
I actually love the drama associated with revealing a celeb’s beauty secrets because, apart from generally having the most favorable combination of DNA cells, celebrities are still normal humans. The only known exception is Kris Jenner, whose status as a cyborg is the subject of many a debate. So, while my brand spanking new bicep tattoo that reads, “Celebs—they really are just like us!” finishes healing, how about we look at the completely non-glamorous beauty secrets of celebs who seem like they kind of would have some fascinating regimen.
1. Jessica Biel
Jess told Cosmo that she uses the tried-and-true middle school method of anti-perspiration: stuffing balls of toilet paper in her armpits. I guess Justin Timberlake likes his ladies super low-maintenance.
2. Selena Gomez
To get Sel’s glowing complexion, she wants you to be sure that you use this uber glamorous serum called SPF. When asked for a beauty secret, Selena said to use sunblock before putting on makeup. Why, Selena? Why?
3. Jennifer Love-Hewitt
Jennifer takes care of her face blemishes the way that all of your friends probably told you to way back when, with toothpaste. All that ever did for me was make my eyes tear uncontrollably but if it keeps her skin smooth and beautiful, I guess I should shut up.
4. Jessica Alba
Jessica’s hairstylist quietly whispers that he uses the cool button on the blowdryer after using the hot setting. That’s the least secretive beauty secret ever, considering the fact that the cool air button is usually very obvious and very blue on blowdryers.
5. Cameron Diaz
To achieve the super-fit physique that she’s got, Cameron recommends —drumroll, please— exercise and a healthy diet. WOW, Cameron. Way to waste a perfectly good tip. I already know that diet and exercise will make you thinner; I was looking for a way out of doing either of those things.
6. Jennifer Aniston
Mrs. Almost-Theroux told Cosmo that she just uses Vaseline to keep her skin youthful. You know who also uses Vaseline? Literally everyone.
7. Zac Efron
Before he cut his hair and became the beautiful Greek statue that he is, today, Zac believed in the power of second-day hair. Does it count as following his advice if I skip washing my hair out of laziness? Because that’s usually the case.
8. Lily Collins
Lily successfully trolled the universe when she was asked her secret. She probably shrugged, examined her cuticles and said, “learn to accept your flaws.” UM, Lily, that really doesn’t count.
9. Chanel Iman
With the most glamorous possible name, you might think that Chanel uses some $500 hair products, but you’d be wrong. She moseys on into her nearest drugstore and picks up the same $6 shampoo that the rest of the human population uses. Supermodel beauty really is attainable!
And here’s a bonus beauty secret that should’ve actually just stayed a secret:
10. Victoria Beckham
(Lead Photo: Klaus Werner/Future Image/WENN)