Let’s call a spade a spade…or in this case, a sociopath a sociopath. This week’s Real Housewives of New Jersey proves to us that Teresa Giudice has given up all the effs in the world…every single one of them…to try and hide that she’s crazy. Since Jacqueline Laurita brought it up a couple of episodes ago, and with the power of my BA in Psychology behind me, I’ve come up with a few examples of why Teresa should be diagnosed as a sociopath…instead of being congratulated for “planning” the Earth’s most dysfunctional attempt to get along with your family in a New Jersey castle-themed B&B. Before we begin, let me drop some Psych 101 knowledge on yah. Trust me, this could be useful in your everyday life, especially if you happen to be combating someone that is Teresa-like. The DSM-IV-TR defines antisocial personality disorder as a pervasive pattern of disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others that begins in childhood or early adolescence and continues into adulthood. Sound like someone we know? No, it’s not Melissa Gorga, as Teresa wants you to think. Let me remind you of another little psych term called projection. Spot. On. Now, let me break it down for yous guys (in no particular order of psychoticness):
- Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature: Has no concern for their impact on others. Ummm table-flipping incident, anyone? And this was PRE-Melissa getting all up in Teresa’s bro-biness. However, Teresa got a taste of the “If I act crazy, I get more airtime, thus supporting my faux talents as a chef” life. I think she was hooked. No concern for others and can’t see the impact they are making on other people’s lives. Hmm yah like, say, your entire family? No, no, tooooootally keep hanging out with these fake friends you have. They are absolutely leading you in the right direction and not making any other trouble in your quest to get back to speaking with your brother.
- Superficial Charm: Is Generally quick-witted. Not smart, precisely, but always with an answer. I mean, have you seen her smile-through-her-teeth-blank-face act? She does it almost every episode, now. Especially when Kim D. is talking mad shit about Melissa or when Teresa is signing books at an event for her “fans”. Or how about how she gets the jump on any Teresa and Joe Incident by telling everyone and their mothers (including her own) how crappy Joe Gorga is to her. Or how about denial about everything…or excuse for everything…never her fault, though. How about letting people pretend to be happy to see you and you them when they arrive at the castle of copacetic before you lay into how Jacqueline (who isn’t even there) ruined the entire Gorga/Giudice family? Which brings me to my next point…
- Pathological Lying: Lies constantly and without effort. Can create or get caught in a complex belief of their own powers and ability. Such as: Teresa is a chef, Melissa is a stripper, Teresa never talks badly about Melissa, Teresa tries everything to get along with Joe Gorga, Teresa always stands up for her sister-in-law even when no one stands up for her. I mean, I could go on for daaaaaaays. Teresa brings up the delusion that Melissa never defended her when people were being mean to Teresa. But umm, wait, what about all the times Teresa kept her mouth shut and her hairline low when everyone (including Teresa herself) was talking crazy on Melissa? You get the point.
- Manipulative and Conning: Appears to be charming, yet is covertly hostile and domineering. It’s true that Bravo producers must have a lot to do with this, especially since I don’t see Teresa as a particularly bright individual. But hey, yah gotta be good at something, right? Teresa has an excuse, a lie, a solution for everything…as long as it doesn’t implicate her in any part of the blame. Yah, it really is Melissa doing aaaaaall the trash-talking and name-calling and has some crazy brainwashing skills over Joe Gorga. Uh huh. Self-serving and believes their behavior is acceptable and permissible. Oh hey, like planning this retreat at a luxury hotel and bringing your buffoon husband along. Yah, that’s gonna be real problem-solving kumbaya.
- Grandiose Sense of Self : Feels entitled and uses sheer willpower to think “mind-over-matter” thoughts. No really, I’m a chef and cookbook writer and write my own tweets and blogs and cook for my family every night, ya’ll! Oh yah, and I never bad mouth people, especially not my brother or his stripper wife and especially not in front of my children. I also make oodles or money and have never sold my things or filed for bankruptcy or spewed hateful things that don’t make sense all in the name of saving my relationship with my brother. I’m always trying and being the bigger person…even though the cameras are there to provide direct evidence that I’m not. Promise! And lastly…
- Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt : Contains a deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed. Ding ding ding jack-POT. And this is why we find ourselves watching the train wreck that is the blissful, team-building family retreat. Man, Teresa has tried everything. Therapy, ignoring that stupid witch Melissa, voodoo, taking to social media, throwing water at Joe at the gym, putting up with Melissa’s brainwashing techniques and finally this retreat that she worked so hard to plan. Girlfriend is definitely missing the key and only way to get through this and make up. It’s called blame. And taking some herself. Man, at least pretend to be a little responsible. I’ve never seen anyone take zero blame and legit want to make up with the other person.
Nope, can’t be done. Instead, Teresa spends the entire therapy session — while Steve and Stephanie stare silently starry-eyed and shocked — yelling at her family members, denying any part of anything ever, blaming Melissa for being crazy, saying hypocritical statements about Melissa not standing up for her and finally running to tell Joe Giudice that her brother called her scum. Waaaaaaaaah! Oh wait, I’m sorry, isn’t this the same thing that you complain about Melissa doing…oh, except Melissa does it after you call her a stripper and whore behind her back…and also coordinate a crazy Posh Fashion Show Sabotage Moment? Subjective memory loss. Or just lack of caring. Or just sociopath. Jacqueline…you right, girl. You right.