The Kardashian-Jenners have cried baby so many times at this point that I think when the official pictures of baby North West finally surface, I’m still going to assume it’s someone else’s baby. In fact, I’m pretty sure even when North is fully grown and I’m watching season 35 of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, I’m still going to be sitting on my couch yelling, “That’s not her!” through mouthfuls of futuristic food paste. First Kim Kardashian sent fake baby pictures to her friends in a poorly executed game of detective. Then Kris Jenner started teasing North West’s appearance on her talk show like her life depended on it. That includes the latest stunt, just before her show’s official premiere. The Kris Jenner Show Twitter and Facebook pages posted a photo of Kris holding a baby with the caption “You never know who will stop by our show today #WatchKris”
The entire world went into a frenzy, grabbing their magnifying glasses and trying to determine whether or not the baby in that picture could possibly have been birthed by Kim Kardashian. “I think I see a dollar sign on its scalp!” one person shouted. “No, I think that blanket is made of polyester! North West would never be wrapped in such a commoner’s fabric!” But all the conspiracy theories were over before they even began, because TMZ soon reported that it was a fake. Not a fake baby, as I first suspected. It’s a living human infant, but it’s just not related to Kris Jenner in any way. (Although I guess it might be, since Blue Ivy is related to the Royal Baby.) TMZ declares, “After some digging we found out the baby is owned by a hair and makeup person on the set.” Once you get over the fact that TMZ said someone “owned” the baby, let’s talk about this situation, shall we?
Kris Jenner, knowing full well that everyone is waiting to see North West, grabbed the nearest baby that looked like it might belong to Kim and Kanye, held it on her talk show, and waited for the ratings to come streaming in. I wasn’t able to watch the show myself, but according to the outraged tweets I’m seeing, the little bundle of lies actually showed up on air. Grandma Kris officially just changed her status from evil genius to evil super-genius with one fake baby picture. Let’s hope that baby will be able to stay out of the spotlight and not have the “Kris Jenner pretended I was North West” stigma following it for the rest of its life.