• Fri, Jul 12 2013

The Many Reasons That The Parent Trap Camp Should Be Sued

The Parent Trap Lindsay Lohan poker

Ah, The Parent Trap. It was 1998, Lindsay Lohan could move her face into more than one expression, and my tiny eyes had never devoured a movie more fun. As you might recall, the first half-hour or so of the movie takes place at a summer camp called Camp Walden. I never went to camp as a kid, mostly because I’m whatever the opposite of outdoorsy is — indoorsy? So I lived vicariously through those two little LiLos. When the movie first came out, nothing seemed more fun to me than beating my doppelganger at poker or giving someone a shaving cream wig while they slept. Now that I’ve revisited the film as a 20-something, all I can think about is how many lawsuits should have come out of this camp. I’m shocked that the Marvas didn’t have their camp-running privileges revoked after their first summer in operation. So naturally, in honor of this summer’s camp-related TV shows, we put together a list of all the reasons Camp Walden should be sued. It does not include eating Oreos with peanut butter, because if that’s lawsuit-worthy, I’d be really screwed.

1. There’s a boy at an all-girls camp and no one tries to help him.

As a kid, my worst nightmare was that I’d get on the school bus and it would take me miles away to a school I didn’t attend. This is the same concept, except you’ll notice that this poor little boy can’t even reach his mom on his oversized cell phone so she can save him from this irresponsible mistake. And none of the adults try to fix it? “Are you Marva Sr.? Congrats, you’ve been served.”

2. Fencing.

Is it really wise to have a bunch of 11-year-olds poking each other and leaping over bales of hay doing their best Zorro impressions? “Hello, is this Marva Jr.? My daughter learned to fence at your summer camp and stabbed her brother in the arm with a pencil when she got home. I’m suing you.”

3. Those girls just discovered they’re identical twins, but let’s just pretend we don’t notice.

“Wow, those two girls sure do have the same red hair and freckles and all their facial features are completely identical. They don’t seem to have met before. Okay, what’s for lunch?” Perhaps some camp therapy was in order? Or at least a phone call to Dennis Quaid and Natasha Richardson explaining that their separated daughters had found each other? A letter? Nothing?

4. Poker.

“The defendant is Marva Sr. She’s being sued for $18, a bottle of fairytale pink nail polish, and a purple scrunchie, all of which Mrs. Smith’s daughter lost in an underground poker game at Camp Walden.”

5. Public nudity.

In 1998, jumping into a lake naked seemed like a fair consequence for losing the poker game you weren’t supposed to be playing in the first place. And getting your clothes stolen was just part of an innocent prank. In this day and age, that’s bullying. Emotional damages, anyone?

6. There are beds on the roof.

How did they get up there? Did the 11-year-old girls somehow carry furniture onto the roof of a building in the middle of the night? Did none of them fall to the ground and break their arms or get crushed beneath the weight of a bed? Seriously, I’m interested in learning the logistics of this prank and how no one was killed in the process.

7. The isolation cabin.

Yes, it’s very responsible to take two young girls out into the middle of the woods to live alone in a leaky cabin with no adult supervision. That’ll teach them! It’ll also potentially get them kidnapped by mountain men or eaten by bears.

8. Amateur ear piercing.

What happens when you put two young girls in an isolation cabin? They get ideas, including the idea to stick needles through each other’s ears. And using a match to sterilize the needle. So they have access to matches as well. “Dear Marvas Sr. and Jr., my daughter came home with a disgusting earlobe infection. Here’s a copy of the medical bill. Pay up.”

9. Two children go home to the wrong parents.

To be fair, Hallie and Annie are identical twins, and they do work very hard to imitate each other. But maybe if the camp had contacted their parents when they first discovered they were twins, this whole switcharoo wouldn’t have happened. We also wouldn’t have a movie then, so I guess I’ll let this one slide.

(Image: TDZ Daily)

You can reach this post's author, Jill O’Rourke, on twitter.
Share This Post:
  • Olivia Wilson

    Brb, calling up Bob Loblaw right now.

    • Jill O’Rourke

      Be sure to check Bob Loblaw’s Law Blog. He might have posted about it.

  • Jenni

    I always wanted to know how they got those beds on the roof without waking any counselors. It seems close to impossible.

  • Pingback: Lindsay Lohan Hosts Chelsea Lately, Makes Fun Of Herself

  • Pingback: Jimmy Fallon Gets Ear Pierced By Harrison Ford On Late Night

  • Hallie

    Omigoodness people! LIVE A LITTLE. This stuff is fun! You’re going to sue somebody for that? Let’s be honest shall we? They all had fun. If this happened to you you’d have these memories forever. Stop being the egotistical Americans people say we are!

  • BammaDude

    Wow, what a stupid article. Did you not have anything better to do? Guess you never heard of the word MOVIE!!!

    • Jill O’Rourke

      OMG this is a MOVIE?! I’m so relieved.

    • BammaDude

      It’s OMG, this is a MOVIE? No wonder you only got 6 comments for this stupid post. You’re welcome, I contributed.

  • Karen.

    The stupidest article I have read in my life. How ignorant can you possibly be? Its a movieeeeeee! FICTION! It was a fun story that got a lot of attention and many fans. Had there been an issue in the first place, the movie would’ve never even been released. You sound like the most boring person to be around, your children/future children are gonna sure have fun with you.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      I don’t understand this comment. We’re talking about the real life Camp Walden that Lindsay Lohan and her twin sister attended for their formative years, right? The whole thing was videotaped for posterity, you can look it up at any Blockbuster!

  • Pingback: Katy Perry Shares New Nose Piercing Video On Instagram