Does anyone remember how I was waxing poetic about that new
piece of heaven on Earth reality show hosted by Jane Lynch called Hollywood Game Night? Well it finally premiered last night with Martin Short, Kristen Bell, Alyson Hannigan, Lisa Kudrow, Matthew Perry, and Daniel Dae as guest players. And, seriously, it was everything that I thought it’d be multiplied by, like, 45. For all of you non-math nerdz out there, that means that it was amazing and perfect in every way. The basic idea of the show is that your BFF J-Lynch has invited you over to her mansion/television studio for a wild night of games like Charades that could end with you winning $25K. Holy shenanigan, I know! That already sounds like a great concept for a TV show, but when paired with some of the most hilarious celebrities in Hollywood, it makes me never want to do anything but watch this show for as long as I live.
But, here’s the thing: in each of the two teams, there’s a spot for a normie team member. Once I get a hold of my very own Little Bit Of Luck guy, I’m going to try my very hardest to convince the producers that I’ve got what it takes to be that normie. After all, most of my days are filled with me just doing normal things like taking broccoli out of my teeth and breaking my nails. And once I’m in, I’d just slip them this list of the 9 celebrities who would make up the most ultimate team in HGN history.
1. Jay Pharoah
I just feel like if you can do impressions as well as Jay can, you’ve got to have some impressively useful skills for a game of Celebrity. He wouldn’t even have to describe the celebrity because he could just do an impression of every single one of them. Perfect.
2. Nick Jonas
Nick is, not only the most competitive Jonas brother, but is also the most competitive person in the whole wide world. He’d be the teammate who has an asthma pump on-hand just in case the game got too intense and that’s the exact kind of dedication that people appreciate. Also, he looks like a person who smells good and that is very pleasant to sit next to.
3. Anna Kendrick
I get a really intense “I Drink A Lot Of Wine And Play A Lot Of Pictionary” vibe from Anna and that’s just the kind of creativity and quick-thinking that would bring her team to victory. Plus, she could play the Cups song for the losers to make them feel a little bit better.
4. Gwyneth Paltrow
For the game Crunch Time, both teams are given a photo clue of a junky snack food and have to guess which one is being shown. This is where Gwyneth’s irritating eating habits would shine bright like a diamond because, as a professional health food drone, it’s mandatory that you memorize all of the foods that you MUST steer clear of. Bingo, Gwen’s your girl.
5. Kevin Bacon
Mr. Six Degrees, himself, would be the team’s go-to guy for the Lil’ Picassos game. In it, kids draw pictures of famous people and then the players have to guess who it is a picture of. Since Kevin knows the entire town of Hollywood, he’d have this game in the bag.
6. James Franco
Plain and simple: James knows stuff. He’s got approximately 91 college degrees as of today so that’s got to count for something. Also, he’s really good at brooding and making everyone feel dumber than him, which are both good defenses against his opposing team.
7. Justin Bieber
Talk about a ratings skyrocket! He’s like the King Midas of media because everything he touches turns into a tabloid headline.
8. Meryl Streep
Everyone (except maybe Jennifer Lawrence) would be so intimidated by the idea of beating Meryl Streep at something that they would throw every challenge, thereby letting her continue her life of being better than everyone at things. Luv u, Meryl.
9. Matthew Perry
I know that he was already on last night’s episode but if he could just bring his special brand of Matt Perry humor and confusion to every single episode, that would be just awesome.