• Thu, Jul 11 2013

Taylor Swift Will Marry Ed Sheeran If She’s Single At 30, Abigail Yells ‘So Now Redheads Are OK?!’

Taylor Swift 2013 Fragrance awards wedding dressEven though I’m sure your 2020 calendar’s already filling up quickly, you must save the date for Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran’s upcoming wedding. It’s going to fall somewhere between 1/1/2020 and 12/31/2020, so just keep all those dates open for the wedding of the century.

Lolsies, we all know Tay’s going to go for a 2/14/2020 wedding date — and that Meredith will be the maid of honor. And yes, before you ask, Taylor says Selena Gomez can be Mer’s co-maid of honor if and only if she breaks up forever with Justin Bieber, never dates anyone again and promises to go out of her way to give Harry Styles the stink eye whenever she sees him in public

According to the unofficial marriage masters over at Star, Ed and Tay are legally each other’s back-up plan if they’re somehow both single and no longer ready to mingle when they turn 30.

Taylor Swift is so fed up of her complicated love life that she’s agreed with Ed Sheeran, 22, to be one anothers ‘back up plan’ should they both still be single by the time they reach 30, reports Star.

While I fully support a woman’s right to make a back-up plan as she begins nearing spinsterhood, I think that Taylor’s being a little bold waiting until she’s 30. I don’t want to start throwing around offensive names here, but this seems a little too Rosie the Riveter for me. 30? Do single people even live that long? I’m not trying to be rude, I’m actually asking. Here I am, sitting on my couch, racking my brain and trying to think if I even know a single female over the age of 29. My parents raised me to believe that they tend to spontaneously combust on their 30th birthday — even if they’re active on Tinder. The fact that I can’t think of one single person over 30 makes me think that might be true.

Also, unrelated to spontaneous combustion, it has to be said that if this marriage goes through as planned, Swift owes a huge apology to her poor slutty friend red-headed friend Abigail. You can’t have it both ways, either redheads are sinful or they’re not. And if they’re not, I can think of at least one song that needs a serious retraction.

(Photo: Felipe Ramales,PacificCoastNews)

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  • Jill O’Rourke

    As a redhead, this gives me hope that one day I too can marry Taylor Swift… and then divorce her so she’ll write a song about me.

    • http://twilightirruption.blogspot.com/ abbeysbooks

      LOL!

    • MCR

      Your celebrity fantasy goal seems so much more rational than it would have ten years ago.

  • Pingback: Video: Ed Sheeran Freestyle Raps Britney Spears' 'Baby One More Time'

  • steven

    would it suprise you all if she married Selena Gomez an turn lesbian(most of her best friends are lesbians and support Lgbt transgender marriages.)