Beyonce took a break from raising her royal baby Blue Ivy to pose for some new photos, and the world is currently thanking her for it. Because not only is it Beyonce being Beyonce, which is reason enough to thank her, but it’s also Beyonce being Beyonce wearing nothing but body glitter. It’s all the rage these days for celebrities to kinda-sorta be naked in a magazine, whether they’re covered in some substance that makes you squint your eyes looking for evidence of clotheslessness, or simply pulling their pants down a little to show off just a hint of butt crack. I see you, Miley. These glittery pics are for the cover of Flaunt magazine’s July/August 2013 issue, and I for one can’t stop looking at what Beyonce’s flaunting. I know it’s rude to stare, but I’m just trying to figure it all out. I’ve concluded that I, for one, am not ready for this jelly.
The first thing I can’t stop staring at, besides the fact that it’s flawless Beyonce in naught but glitter, is how sandy that stuff looks. I’m not the beach-going type, partly because I burn at the mere mention of sunlight, but also because sand is the absolute worst. That glitter Beyonce is sporting looks a lot like sand, and the thought of that grainy texture against my skin is giving me all kinds of daymares.
But mostly I just can’t stop staring at that hand of hers. Can she really contort her arm to the point that her hand rests delicately on her derriere while she shows absolutely zero sign of strain on her face? I’m absolutely positive that somewhere in the world right now, Tyra Banks is looking at this picture and crying tears of smizey joy that Beyonce accomplished this. I’m not gonna lie, I just tried to recreate that pose about five separate times while sitting in my desk chair, and let’s just say it did not go well. I suppose it could just be the work of Photoshop, like I’m guessing a few other things in this picture are (What else is new?), but I so want to believe that Beyonce is really capable of that move. Don’t ask me to explain why, I just want to believe it.
There’s also a Q & A in which Beyonce comes out as being “okay with gluten” and declares she likes milk stains. So if you’d like to read Beyonce’s thoughts about sexy picnics and drag queens and also to look at more photos, head on over to Flaunt.com. I’ll just be over here staring some more. Don’t mind me.
(Image: Flaunt Magazine via Buzzfeed)