In rather unsurprising news, Blue Ivy Carter will be related to the Royal Baby, who does not yet have a name or a gender (but first name Royal, middle name Baby is starting to sound pretty good, amirite?). So when Kate Middleton and Prince William welcome their little pride and joy, they can likely expect a nice call of congratulations from Beyonce and Jay-Z which will probably end with a request to set up a play date and the whispered warning that North West must never find out about it.
The news comes from a genealogy website called findmypast.co.uk, which according to The Daily Mail has discovered the royal relation, along with other celebrity connections. Turns out Royal Baby (it has a nice ring to it, right?) will be Blue Ivy’s 23rd cousin twice removed, through shared French heritage. So they’re not close enough to sit at the kid’s table rolling their eyes together over how annoying Uncle Frank’s interest in peekaboo has gotten, but they’re still closer than I would have expected. Mostly because I’m in denial that I’m related to people I’ve never met before. I’m terrified that the lady who steps on my foot and spills popcorn on me 20 minutes after the movie has started is actually my third cousin and I will one day show signs of the rude gene.
Is anyone really shocked that Blue Ivy’s got some royal blood in her? I mean, we’ve all seen that picture of her in the crown, either when Beyonce first posted it last month or because you just looked at it at the top of this post. And her parents are already Queen B and Jay-Z, who is either a priest or a god or someone who draws up important British documents — I’m not sure what he’s trying to tell us with his latest behavior. We should also not be surprised that Royal Baby has some music royalty in him or her. I imagine he or she will be very good at the Single Ladies dance. It’s just a hunch I have.
But get this! Blue Ivy’s not the only celebrity kid who’s related to royalty. The site also discovered that Brangelina’s kids will be 27th cousins, and the closest celebrity kids will be Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner’s youngsters, who’ll be 11th cousins, because apparently Ben is linked to Princess Diana. This is all very exciting, but I’m starting to worry that this celebrity ancestry research will reveal some scarily close familial relationships between our favorite celebrity couples, and while I enjoy celeb gossip, I don’t really enjoy incest.
Perhaps this game will be the new “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.”