A Totally Well Meaning Stalker Got Arrested For Calling Taylor Swift Satan

Taylor Swift 2013 Fragrance AwardsIn news that will make you want to put your American passport in the paper shredder, a man named Joseph Jackson got arrested at a Taylor Swift concert in Pittsburgh on Saturday for calling her Satan and stalking her. Because I guess that’s a crime these days. “Okay.”

“Hello. Welcome to America: The Police State. While we hope you enjoy your stay here, we do have to ask you to refrain from stalking celebrities. If you cannot be asked to refrain, we will arrest you and humiliate you and punish you for caring too much.”

I mean, c’mon. Here’s a religious guy who happens to come across some pretty serious information in regards to Taylor Swift being Satan, he goes out of his way to protect her from her impending doom and he gets arrested. How do I know that he wanted to save her from herself? Here’s what Gossip Cop said he told the Not-as-Gossipy-Cops:

Police say Joseph Jackson made death threats to Swift on the social media site, and when questioned about the posts by officers, he reportedly told cops, “Taylor Swift is Satan and that 6,000 years is six days and death comes on the sixth day, so Taylor Swift is in danger.”

So not only did he do the 666 math that clearly no one else was willing to do, but he also went to the concert to let her know that she was in danger. Did the danger turn out to be Joseph Jackson himself? Yes, but that’s just a coincidence. I doubt Joe caught that twist before he got in the car and proceeded to drive to that concert. And really, I think it’s safe to say he didn’t mean any harm to her. After all the local Pittsburgh CBS says that he brought two signs with him. One said “I luv you” and one said “Taylor Swift is Satan.” There’s nothing more fun and playful then misspelling luv. It says “hey, sure I think you’re the devil incarnate, but I also think you’d be super fun to sing a duet with at karaoke.”

I guess I just think that it’s only fair that we hear his side of the story too. Like where did he get this information about Taylor (allegedly) being Satan and what his favorite song is and how he feels about her misrepresenting herself as a 22-year-old.

(Photo: Felipe Ramales,PacificCoastNews)

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    • Jill O’Rourke

      I’d be okay with watching The Exorcism of Taylor Swift at the movies this fall… hint hint, movie people.

    • Sarah

      …please tell me this is ironic. I’ll cry if it’s not. Also, stalking isn’t something to joke about. It’s a serious crime and I have friends who have gone through stalking experiences so please don’t take stalking lightly.

    • Michael Barkley

      This writer is an idiot. Stalking and death threats are no joking matter. I have no respect for the idiot who wrote this.

    • Tricia Cantong

      my friends keep telling me that taylor swift is an Illuminati thats not true shes a christian noooooooo!!!!!!!