Rumors are already swirling that Selena Gomez’s new song, “Love Will Remember” features a voicemail from her on-again-off-again clap light boyfriend Justin Bieber. While our voiceologist can’t confirm whether this is actually Justin Bieber or just a clip from a 1980′s Dream Phone commercial, we can confirm that it’s a low blow from a star who usually tries to stay classy. You should listen to the whole song at some point, but for now just focus on the first 15 seconds. It’s actually supposed to be a voicemail from a boyfriend who loves his girlfriend very much and (vom in my mouth) calls her princess.
Regardless of whether Selena Gomez’s GPS led her astray or she purposefully missed the exit for the high road, it’s all too clear that she’s kicking off her career with her a classic revengenda. While Taylor Swift’s amazing success proves that a revengenda-filled album sells incredibly well, it also proves that Selena doesn’t believe that her music’s good enough to do well on its own. Because here’s the thing: if you’re actually talented, your music shouldn’t need a schitck. It should just need you and your voice.
Adele’s “Someone Like You” got released two years ago now and she still hasn’t done some big publicity tour where she slyly doles out hints about who the song is about. Mostly because she doesn’t have to do that — and partly because I believe she’s actually a real live genuine class act. Then you look at someone like Taylor Swift who certainly writes catchy-enough music, but doesn’t believe she has a voice strong enough to make a hit in its own right. Cue the blind item lyrics that get everyone talking about her new music for weeks on end.
Maybe this voicemail really came from Justin Bieber, maybe it didn’t. But I find it hard to believe that Selens didn’t intend for us to be wondering that very thing. Would I have written about “Love Will Remember” if it didn’t have some kind of hook like this? No, I wouldn’t. So sure it worked, but is this really the direction she wants to take her career? Taylor Swift has millions upon millions of dollars now, but she’s also turned her own name into a punchline. I can’t imagine that any woman wants that, regardless of how much money she makes.