Matt Damon Is Happier Than Everyone Because He Married A Normal

Matt Damon and Luciana Barroso at Invictus UK premiere January 2010In case you were wondering today why it is that Matt Damon is so much more gull-durned attractive and talented and successful and rich and content than most of us, well then, I have an answer for you! It’s because he married a normal person, out of the public eye, instead of squiring various actresses and models about town like John Mayer or piling up a vast, inventively-named child collection like Brangelina. Instead, Matt defied Hollywood conventions (but not romcom plots) by striking up a relationship with Luciana Barroso, a Miami bartender he met while filming Stuck On You in 2003. The two of them started dating pretty much immediately, and were married two years later in 2005, at a no-frills ceremony in a New York courthouse. Apparently, Ben Affleck wasn’t even there, so you know it was mad innimit, yo.

Since then, Matt and Luciana have been pretty successful at staying under the radar. They have three kids together – Isabella, 7, Gia, 5, and Stella, 3 — and Matt has adopted Luciana’s daughter Alexia, 14, from a previous marriage, but I had to turn to Google to find out what they look like instead of being able to sketch them in my sleep like I could do for Blue Ivy Carter or Suri Cruise. Anonymity is a pretty rare thing for celebrity kids. They keep it pretty private, all those ladies and one fella, and guys — if that doesn’t sound romantic to you, you’re insane, because this is how Matt sounds talking about his situation in the August issue of Esquire:

“I got lucky, I fell in love with a civilian. Not an actress and not a famous actress at that. Because then the attention doesn’t double — it grows exponentially. Because then suddenly everybody wants to be in your bedroom. But I don’t really give them anything. If I’m not jumping up and down on a bar, or lighting something on fire, or cheating on my wife, there’s not really any story to tell. They can try to stake me out, but they’re always going to get the same story — middle-aged married guy with four kids. So as long as that narrative doesn’t change too much, there’s no appetite for it.”

Well that’s sweet. I really like that. I love a fella who keeps it low-profile and classy with a woman he’s genuinely in love with, famous or not. It’s as simple as that, but it’s something not a lot of celebrities fall into, so major props, guys. This isn’t an isolated incidence of him saying heart-warmng things, though. Here’s Matt again from two years ago talking to Ellen DeGeneres about how he and Luciana met:

“I always hoped that I would meet someone that I wanted to spend my life with and start a family with and then that happened. But before that happens, you’re going, “I wonder if I’m ever going to meet somebody.” And then I met her and everything got easy after that. [...] I decided to do this movie with the Farrelly brothers in 2002. I met with them and we talked about it. I made the decision to do that which was a big decision. We were supposed to shoot in Hawaii and then the movie got moved to Miami. I had never really hung out in Miami. One night in the middle of the shoot, the crew, a couple guys, said, “We’re going to get a beer somewhere.” I said, “I’m not really into it.” They said, “Come on,” and kind of dragged me along. We ended up at a bar where my wife was the bartender. I literally saw her across a crowded room, literally, and eight years and four kids later, that’s my life. I don’t know how else our paths would’ve crossed if that didn’t happen. If all those things didn’t happen.”

Yes. I love it. That’s all I can say; I just love it.

(Image: Daniel Deme / WENN.com)

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