• Tue, Jul 9 2013

How To: Tweet Like A Celebrity

rihanna twitter car smallYou know what Twitter is.

Twitter is so popular that it’s hard to even start writing about it without sounding totally out of touch. I can’t start by saying, “So, this whole Twitter thing is catching on” or “A lot of celebrities are tweeting these days” because I’ll sound like an idiot or a time traveler from the not so distant past. But yes, Twitter caught on and a lot of celebrities are tweeting these days.

As a celebrity, the way you chose to tweet is pretty important. Do you go the personal route or the “I’m a business and will market myself as such” route? Do you show your boobs or not? Of course there’s some great celeb Twitter-ers out there. There’s ones that tweet like normal people and ones that are hilarious and ones that write about honorable social causes. But you already know how to be normal, comedy is not for everyone, and it should be pretty obvious how to tweet about charities. I’ve done my best to narrow down five celeb-specific tweeting styles: The Self-Promotional, The Controversial, The Oversharer, The Jerk, and The Kanye. For each, I’ve chosen one celebrity example and used real evidence from their Twitter to teach you how to tweet like a celeb. Let’s begin!

The Self-Promotional
Example: Giuliana Rancic (@GiulianaRancic)

Because of my love of Fashion Police, I like Giuliana Rancic.  That said, her Twitter page is the epitome of the self-promotional celebrity tweeter.

-Make the background of your page tiled pictures of your lastest business venture, book, movie, album cover, etc. Giuliana’s is this picture repeated at least a dozen times:

giuliana rancic twitter pic(via)

-List A LOT of different occupations in your info section.
Mom/Wife/TV Host/@HSN Fashion Designer, etc…
-Fit as many promotional @s and #s into your tweets as possible.
Come meet us at @TheGroveLA Tuesday at 6:30pm for a special sneak peek screening of the #GandB premiere! #GandBGrove”

The Oversharer
Example: Mariah Carey (@MariahCarey)

I had to go with Mariah Carey for this one and to be completely honest it was 90% because of this:

mariah carey dem babies butterfly stomach(via)

 If you’re like me and have seen that before, I’m sure you remember the “dem babies” butterfly prego belly. And if this is your first time, welcome, we’ve been waiting for you. The fact that when you Google Image search the words “dem babies” only pictures of Mariah Carey’s kids appear says a lot about how much these dese babies have been posted online both pre- and post-birth.

-The main thing here is posting a ton of pictures of yourself and your family. Taking a candlelit bath with your dog? Snap of a picture of it and get posting! On your way to your fourth vowel renewal? Post like six videos documenting the occasion! Kids getting new pets or sleeping or still inside of you? Pic! Pic! Pic!
-Tweet only the captions to your massive amount of pictures or occasionally when you have a new remix coming out.

The Jerk
Example: Donald Trump (@realDonaldTrump)

I don’t like Donald Trump, so I’m not going to put a little disclaimer in front of this one or hold back here.

-Issue challenges. The higher profile the better. That’s right. I’m saying you need to challenge the president to bring forth his academic records from college.
-Speaking of the president, call presidential elections, “great and disgusting injustices” but only if the outcome isn’t to your liking.
-Make inappropriate comments that could easily be perceived as distasteful jokes but then deny their existence when someone brings it up even though there is proof that it still happened because you DIDN’T DELETE IT.
donald trump plane crash tweets-Retweet all the complements you receive especially ones urging you to run for president yourself.

The Controversial
Example: Rihanna (@rihanna)

Oh, Rihanna. Rihanna, Rihanna, Rihanna.

-Say some stuff that’s really gross and sexually explicit. So much so in fact that my ladylike sensibilities will not even allow me to screencap them here.
-Tweet about fashion a lot but wear as few clothes as possible in your selfies which you should also tweet as much as possible.
-Smoke weed, take photos of yourself smoking weed, tweet those, then tweet about the fact that you smoke weed.
-Boobs! Pictures of your boobs but kinda artsy-ish so you can’t see them entirely.
-Spell words weird. I believe this says “home.”
rihanna twitter heauxm

The Kanye
Example: Kanye West (@kanyewest)

Yes, I gave Kanye West his own category. He would want it that way and, in this case, I want it that way as well. Back in the day before I had a Twitter, the only times I would go on the site were for Kanye’s tweets. A couple months ago, Kanye deleted all of his previous Tweets and started fresh, so if you don’t remember the magic that was, check this out:

kanye persian rugs tweet(via)

People started matching Kanye’s tweets up with New Yorker cartoons and making stitched wall hangings out of the quotes. If your quotes inspire old-timey style home decor, you deserve your own category. Kanye’s new tweets aren’t quite as great (yet!) so most of this is based Kanye’s OG Twitter account.

- Voice your opinions on style especially the stuff you hate. Like “I hate sport coats with button up shirts, jeans and dress shoes” or “I hate big ass striped scarves.”
- Give advice. “Keep fresh flowers in the crib.”
- Keep everything visually simple. White background. Non-flashy profile pic. Follow only one person and have that person be Kim Kardashian.
- Always have an air of mystery. “I’m cool with trial and error… the trial part is cool… the error, not so much.” Or this mysterious tweet from Kanye Twitter 2.0: “June 18th”

(Photo: Instagram)

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  • Jill O’Rourke

    In Kanye’s defense, the Persian Rugs with Cherub Imagery Store is extremely unreliable.