Today is Jaden Smith’s 15th birthday. But you probably already knew that because you’re an American patriot who understands the significance of knowing famous teenager’s birthdays. Especially if those teenagers descend from Will Smith, a man who Will Smith himself once called “magnificent. Absolutely magnificent. Did I mention he’s magnificent?”
Today is also the day where rumors start swirling about who will replace Joy Behar on The View in August. As a huge Joy Behar fan, I say no one. But apparently the powers to be over at ABC disagree with me. So the hunt is on for her replacement. And even more disturbingly, the hunt’s leading them to Jenny McCarthy. With the exception of her relationship with Jim Carrey, I don’t really have anything against her. But that doesn’t mean that I want her on The Couch of Misguided Opinions next to my favorite singing nun.
Especially not when Jaden Smith remains available to take on the full-time hosting position. Sure he’s not the typical pick for The View, but he’s also not the typical kid. So let’s walk through the incredibly obvious reasons why he’s so perfect for this position. I mean besides the obvious fact that he doesn’t need an on-set tutor since he graduated from his self-designed home schooling program approximately 7 years ago.
1. Jaden knows important industry performers, like hit singer-songwriter Willow Smith. And he knows her pretty, pretty well. The rumor mill at Ole Wikipedia’s saying they might even be related. By blood. While I don’t want The View to go in a total Donny & Marie Osmond direction, I do think it could use a few more family musical numbers to take the tension down a notch when things get heated. You know those classic View moments when someone says something offensive and someone tries to explain why it’s offensive and the original offender pulls a Paula Deen and is like I’m offended that you’re offended.
2. Jaden understands how to get attention when you don’t necessarily deserve it.Look, I love Joy Behar. But I have yet to witness her kissing her kid on Thai TV. Sorry I’m not sorry for pointing out the single biggest flaw in her career. Jaden, on the other hand, totally understands that you gotta do what you gotta do to make people pay attention to you. And if that’s letting your dad get to first base with you during an interview, so be it. Whatever gets the kids clicking around the interweb!
3. Jaden turns on the cheese whenever it’s needed. Did someone order a baked brie or is Jaden Smith playing his classic let-me-remind-you-how-you-know-me-card. Do you think he wanted to sing The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song with his dad on The Graham Norton Show? No. Absolutely not. But does he know that reminding people that he’s Will Smith’s son will work directly in his favor. Yes. A million duhs and a yes. So he stands up, pretends that he likes this song, sings it for the crowd and the nostalgia factory that’s built out of slap bracelets and discarded Beanie Babies goes wild
4. Jaden does whatever it takes to make headlines. Even if “whatever it takes” involves going on dates with Kylie Jenner and brushing her hand occasionally as they walk side-by-side down a paparazzi-lined sidewalk. Headlines are what keep The View relevant. It’s what keeps us young folks tuning in when there are Real Housewives marathons to watch instead. We want to see the drama before it gets shared all over the blogosphere. You know, so we can be the hit of parties, the queens of conversation topics!
5. Jaden parties with Justin Bieber. And the aftermath of those nights together are ripe for the hot topics picking. For example: should a 14-year-old be allowed into a club? What about if his dad’s famous? How about if his mom starred on Hawthorne? Does it matter if he arrives in a car that’s dressed like a leopard? The discussion opportunities are endless. Literally endless. Also it never hurts to have the Beliebers on your side.