Oh blessed be the powers of patriotic face paint, and its properties of revelation, particularly in regards to the personal life of one Miss Taylor Swift, professional short-term girlfriend and amateur long-term cat-owner. If that sentence didn’t make sense to you the first time around, I guess it means you haven’t seen the INTERNET this morning, where whispers of a new T-Swift relationship are in swirling abundance. (Incidentally, what a great name for a frozen yogurt shop, right? I’m a genius.)
The man in question is Matthew Gray Gubler, a thirty-three year old gentleman known primarily for his work as one of the main characters on the television show Criminal Minds. I’m going to save myself the fourteen seconds required to look up the name of his character, because I can almost guarantee that there’s very little overlap between ‘people who are reading an article about Taylor Swift’s dating life’ and ‘people who know absolutely anything about Criminal Minds‘. Just saying.
Anyway, the main thing linking this couple in the minds of rumor-mongerers everywhere is, as always, social media. Taylor celebrated the holiday weekend at her oft-discussed Rhode Island home, with the dancers from her Red tour, what seems to be a required red-white-and-blue dress code, and no less than six outfit changes on her part. Don’t believe me? Check out the pictures from her blog. I tell no lies.
Our 4th in photos: http://t.co/il5cClkIRp
— Taylor Swift (@taylorswift13) July 6, 2013
But anyway, all that face-painting comes with consequences, because our friend Matthew Gray Gubler showed up on the interwebs with some facial artwork of his own, and I’ll be gull-durned if it isn’t identical to Taylor’s. Plus! He posted on his Twitter that he was heading north and then east for the fourth of July, leaving the rest of the details cryptically absent, which can only mean SCANDAL!
next stop New England!
— matthew gray gubler (@GUBLERNATION) July 3, 2013
So that’s it, you guys. It’s all but allegedly confirmed, you know? I’ve been around these here parts for long enough to know that if two celebrities appear in each others’ pictures, then it means love. But if they appear in two halves of the same picture with clues that require the wiles of the internet to solve and conclude they must have maybe secretly spent time together, then that, my friends, is TRUE love. I’m not an idiot, guys — I’ve at least learned one thing from Chris Brown and Rihanna.
(Images: Taylor Swift’s Blog)