It’s a dark day when Rihanna scrapes the bottom of the hairstyle barrel so loudly that I can hear it over in Blogtown where I sit, hunched over my computer, but that’s exactly what happened this Monday morning. If I’m being honest, at first I thought the sound was Taylor Swift trying to dredge up sympathy from a river bottom, but then I realized it was much too raspy for that instead of gloopy like river mud would be, and once I smelled the weed in the air, I knew the culprit had to be Rihanna.
Sometime over this vast, majestic four-day weekend that I hope we all enjoyed, Rihanna decided to get a little haircut. Again. Because no one had looked at her for over thirty seconds, and there are only so many giant winged birds that you can tattoo on your ribcage, y’know? After a certain point, haircuts become much more practical. Just ask Miley Cyrus! Right after ‘moving your engagement ring from finger to finger so you can pretend you’re still dating Liam Hemsworth‘, shaving your head is like, the most Miley thing you can do these days. And that’s exactly what Rihanna did!
She went home, pulled up some pictures of herself from when she first got famous, locked a bunch of journalists on a 747 (all normal before-bed activities), and got to snipping. She left the length and color in most of her hair, with the dark roots and bright, yellow-blond tips, and shaved the right side of her head down to a buzz cut. It definitely looks different from the way it was, and I guess any time you shave your head you warrant a certain amount of attention (and have to pay Miley five cents for royalties any time someone mentions it in person or online), but I don’t get what Hollywood Life is so excited about? Is it not almost identical to the way she used to wear her hair back when she first got famous? She had it shaved on the side and long on top…right? Or am I crazy?
Either way, guys, let’s make sure we point out how it’s not newsworthy and then write a whole post on it like I did, okay? It’s National Lack Of Self Awareness Day, so make sure you invade people’s personal space and eat someone else’s food out of the office fridge today, mmmkay? Thanks.
(Image: newspix.pl / WENN.com)