Ah, Lady Gaga. She’s like if an enigma mated with a mystery, then wrapped the resulting baby in raw meat and put a ridiculous hat on top. If you were already stumped by her costume choices and general persona, you’re in for a real head-scratcher when you hear the latest news about her. According to TMZ, Gaga is seeking to block court documents in a lawsuit between two of her former collaborators. Wendy Starland is suing Gaga’s former boyfriend and producer Rob Fusari for not giving her the payment she says she was owed for discovering Gaga. The suit was filed in 2010, but this week Gaga filed documents asking the court to seal information that is “sensitive, private, and personal” and that could “inflict significant personal and professional harm upon” her. Upon reading this my Scooby Doo ears perked up and I immediately started trying to figure out what information could possibly be scandalous enough to ruin Lady Gaga’s career, and what she could be so desperate to keep secret that she was willing to admit she had something to keep secret. So obviously I put together a list of possible things Lady Gaga is hiding. I’m not saying the answer is definitely in this list, but hey, I wouldn’t be surprised.
- Her weaves are made from recycled Christina Aguilera wigs.
- When she’s at home, she only wears her alien horns about 50% of the time.
- One time she forgot to brush her teeth before bed.
- Her Netflix “recently viewed” contains more than one episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, season one.
- She was not, in fact, born that way.
- She once unknowingly married a mannequin in Vegas. After a week she finally understood why he never wanted to talk.
- In 2009, she switched bodies with Jamie Lee Curtis for a day and she’s never been the same.
- When she got hip surgery, she had the doctors replace her own skeleton with a science class skeleton. There is currently an elementary school somewhere studying Lady Gaga’s bones.
- During concerts, she lip-syncs to the voice of her secret twin hiding backstage.
- Sometimes she takes two diamonds in her tea.
- Every Tuesday at 3:30 PM she molts.
- During an eye doctor appointment once, she said lens #1 was clearer when really they both looked the same.
- All of her songs were written by picking random words on her Twitter feed.
Now all there is to do is wait and see.