Somebody must’ve gotten ahold of Hermione Granger’s Time Turner from Harry Potter, because the hours today passed in a very strange fashion. One moment I was marveling at how identical Robert Pattinson‘s new girlfriend is to his old girlfriend Kristen Stewart (look it up, it’s eerie! they both have eyes and ears and hair!), and the next it’s the end of the day and I’m trolling the internet for a funny video to share with all of you friendlies. I’m told there were some middle things that happened too, like Farrah Abraham checking herself into rehab, but most of that stuff got eclipsed by my joy at lunchtime finally arriving, so I can’t speak with any authority. I get one piece of cold chicken on my paper plate and suddenly it’s an office party, you know? Throw a plastic cup of tepid water in there too, and we’re talking fiesta. Mardi Gras. The whole enchilada. Ooh, enchiladas.
ALRIGHT I’LL TELL YOU! You squeezed the truth out of me, like Kim Kardashian squeezed into all those leather skirts during her pregnancy. It turns out that the exercise ball wins, striking a victory for all the neglected exercise balls all over America. I know I personally have one lurking in my closet at home even as we speak. I’m committed neough to it to keep it blown up, but not committed enough to use it…for anything…ever.
So good on ya, ball, striking fear into the hearts of kittens everywhere. Godspeed in your path to becoming relevant again.