In exciting news for women in Hollywood, The Heat made $40 million dollars this weekend. FORTY MILLION DOLLARS! Do you even know how many dollars that is? How many golden goose eggs it could buy you? NINE. It could buy you nine golden goose eggs. Or to put in a more normal non-rich-kids-of-Instagram perspective, it could buy you forty million drinks on dollar beer night. That’s clinically a lot of beer. While I don’t recommend you drink it all in one go, I do recommend that’s how you spend the forty million if you rob The Heat producers today. (If you rob them later in the week, I’d suggest fireworks.)
As a lady who loves to laugh, I’m not shocked that the movie did well. As we’ve discussed several times on this very site, Melissa McCarthy’s hilarious. She single-handedly saved that movie from being another “that was silly” movie. Yes, Sandra Bullock did well too. But let’s call a spade a spade: they could’ve easily cut and pasted in her character from Miss Congeniality and had the same movie.
In contrast to the success of The Heat, White House Down only made $26 million dollars. Which is like the weekend valet budget for Hollywood folk. Yes, despite the fact that it featured Channing Tatum taking off his shirt and showing off his muscles in a tight tank top, it didn’t do as well as The Heat. Turns out that ladies like to laugh a lot more than they like to oogle hot guys in the movie theater. Look, I find Channing Tatum just as appealing as the next person who grew up worshiping hairless Abercrombie & Fitch models, but when it comes to movies, I’ll always pay for the funny one. I’m not a middle school girl. I don’t need to spend $14.50 to see Channing Tatum in a cheesy action movie. If the occasion arises that I’m jonesing for his rocking bod, I’ll turn to Tumblr. The fine folks who contribute to that site have giffed the shit of him. What I can’t see online is Melissa McCarthy being insanely funny. I haven’t laughed that hard in a theater (on purpose) in a long time.
Even though we have this conversation every time a female-driven movie does well, let’s have it one more time. Women want to see funny movies and action movies and scary movies and romantic movies and even docudrama movies that star women. And not just any women, but talented women. Throw a few talented women in a movie together and we’re down to see it. If this weekend’s box office proves anything, it proves that we can’t be distracted by hot guys and big names and whatever other trinkets Hollywood loves to throw in to lady-centric movies. Love interest, no love interest, I don’t think that’s what’s really important at the end of the day. What matters the most to me is that it’s a quality film. That if it’s meant to be funny, I laugh. If it’s mean to be sad, I cry. And if it’s meant to be romantic, my seat gets wet because my heart of ice actually starts to melt. We wear pants now! We have jobs! We filibuster! We’re ready for good movies! So thank you in advance to Hollywood for making them.