Kim Kardashian Either Not Worried Or Completely Panicked About Post-Baby Body

Kim Kardashian house-hunting with Kanye West in LA May 2013Are you tired of the speculation on other sites? Frustrated by their continued insistence on reporting even in the face of a complete lack of a story? Well put your worries aside, because here at Crushable, we only write a post when we have absolutely every scrap of information, so please feast on our smorgasbord of details as we tastefully navigate the incisive and well-researched details behind the following post: Kim Kardashian is either not worried or completely panicked about her post-baby body. Yeah, that’s right, those are the only two options.

In the wake of giving birth to the frustratingly named North West, Kim has hired notorious trainer-to-the-stars Tracy Anderson, who has worked with people like Gwyneth Paltrow, Jennifer Lopez, and Madonna, and there are some extremely conflicting reports about how Kim’s feeling about her bod. Some reports are saying that she’s (gasp!) unhappy with her figure and wants to lose thirty pounds in thirty days, which I can’t understand at all, given how kind and nonjudgmental the media has been about her body from Day One. It’s probably much more likely that she’s given up on ever being beautiful again, considering:

“After the birth she was crying at how big her stomach still looked. Her family and friends reassured her it was normal, but she said she looked saggy and couldn’t face the pressure of everyone expecting her to snap back into shape quickly like other celebrities.”

said a very kind source who has such a vivid understanding of the mechanics of pregnancy and a deep well of empathy for Kim that they didn’t mind doing a magazine interview about her crying over her ‘saggy’ belly. But maybe that’s not true! Maybe Kim isn’t panicking after all, especially in light of these quotes from her new trainer, Tracy:

“It’s a tough time, and a lot of women feel like it’s a huge mountain to climb to get back, but Kim, surprisingly, has had the totally opposite reaction to other moms. She’s like, ‘We’re going to be so good. It’s fun, I feel great!’ She just loves the whole process. From our talks during her pregnancy, I thought she was going to be really concerned [about her weight] once the baby was out, but she’s just not. She’s in baby heaven. She’s excited to get started, but she’s really calm about it all. Kim is super motivated. She’s all in. Pregnancy is actually an opportunity for women to look better than ever. And [Kim] will.”

First of all, thank you, Tracy, for calling out pregnancy for what it really is, an opportunity for women to make themselves attractive. At long last, someone’s come up with a reason for getting sperminated that’s better than ‘bringing a child into the world’. And also thank you for giving this story exactly what it needs, which was more clarity. It’s really great to know that Kim is either fanatic or completely calm or nonstop crying about losing this baby weight. Let’s continue to obsess as if it’s any of our business, shall we?


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    • Olivia Wilson

      “Baby heaven’ sounds a lot like where my parents used to tell me that babies come from. Now I know that you buy them from the store so I don’t know why they ever lied to me.

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    • Sarah

      You cannot even imagine how much I like Kim. Look at her. She is a successful, beautiful, rich and self-sufficient woman. I admire her. It was very hard for her to see the changes in her body during pregnancy. A lot of people were instantly criticizing her body. If I were her I would probably fall into depression. It is good that after childbirth she wants to lose her baby weight. I tried to lose it different ways, going to gym and keeping diets but it didn’t help a lot. Recently I found one interesting article about post partum weight loss plan (this program is here for those who are interested). I hope I will lose more weight soon. I wish Kim good luck in her aim achieving.