If there’s one thing grandmas are good for, it’s endless gushing about their grandchildren and all of their accomplishments, even if their only accomplishment is having just been born two weeks ago. Well, most grandmas aren’t Kris Jenner… who spoke to People magazine this weekend about her granddaughter North in the same way I describe my second cousin’s children or my next-door neighbor’s new dog: ”She’s just great, but she’s only a little over a week old, so she’s getting adjusted.”
Adjusted? To what? The puppy crate she’ll be sleeping in for the first year, or the multi-million dollar surroundings? It’s kind of crazy, but I really can’t tell. She sounds so removed and awkward about it, and I’m pretty sure She Who Must Not Be Named and Kimye all live with her, which brings this awkwardness to a whole new level. When asked about the baby’s nickname, Kris says: ”It’s a little early for me to predict, because we’re just getting used to her. We’re just getting used to each other, so we’ll see what happens.”
Okay, Kris, we get it. You’ve probably only been permitted to see this kid like one or two times, tops. But you spend so much of your life making your family seem amazingly perfect, you’d think you’d be a little better at pretending to be #1 Grandma. I’m not a super sappy person, but I can think of plenty of things that would be harder to “get used to” than a teensy little baby. Like swallowing two tablespoons of Robitussin, for example. I’m still not good at it and I’m 27 years old. Or getting cavities drilled. Or my new neighbors who have clearly starred on Hoarders at some point and hold family bonfires on an old charcoal grill while sitting on Archie Bunker-ish recliners on the front porch. That definitely takes some adjusting. Your brand new granddaughter? When you have six kids and two grandchildren already? Eh, not so much.
Regardless, I now have a legitimate reason to tune into Kris Jenner’s talk show when Nori/North/Noldemort makes her debut.