• Fri, Jun 28 2013

Justin Theroux’s Penis Auditions For Jon Hamm’s Body By Making Its Media Debut

Justin Theroux Walking NYCIf you’re a penis who really wants to make it in  this town, you’ve got to be attached to the only crotch that matters. And that crotch obviously belongs to one and only Jon Hamm. Once you make it  there, the saying is you can make it everywhere…that Google safe search is turned off. So that’s why I’m not surprised to see Justin Theroux’s penis auditioning for the coveted role when he (Justin, not his penis) went on a run recently. Although Justin, his current owner and legal handler, seems unaware of his penis’ cameo, Wikileaks says it still counts as a legitimate audition.

Sources on the penile audition scene tell me that while the competition for this position’s stiff, this is one of the best “is that his penis or does he actually have a banana in his pocket” scenes they’ve ever seen performed. And we’re talking about people who see a lot of penises. From all over the country. Why just the other day, one of them told me about a penis that moved to Hollywood from a small farm town in Iowa to audition for Fifty Shades of Grey. He’s a little rough around the edges, but with the right razor they think he’ll clean up nicely. In fact, rumor is that Michael Fassbender’s penis already taken this Iowan penis under his wing.

Since I’m not a lady of the night, I will not be showing you these audition photos on Crushable.com. However you’re more than welcome to click here to see them. I’ll warn you though that they are a tad confusing. To be frank with you, I’m not entirely sure how all the pieces fit together and I’m tempted to say that his penis appears to sprout from his thigh. But that’s just me. Take a look and let me know if you think this penis is ready to make the jump from Justin to John. (Which is not at all the same as From Justin to Kelly)

(Photo: Felipe Ramales,PacificCoastNews)

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  • Olivia Wilson

    That is the most uncomfortable-looking crotch situation I’ve ever seen