While we all know that Justin Bieber’s fan live at the intersection of Obsessed and Do-Your-Parents-Know-You-Harass-Non-Beliebers-Online?, we didn’t know just how much they loved him. Which is why Jimmy Kimmel’s Lie Witness News segment from Jimmy Kimmel Live last night was so amazing. They sent a correspondent to a Justin Bieber concert to see just how far he’d have to go to upset his fans. Turns out way, way too far. No matter how ridiculous the made-up stories about his recent behavior got, his fans are in full support of him. From peeing on the American flag to using car tires made of baby seals to punching his own grandmother so hard she had to go to the hospital, they’re total Beliebers. And you gotta respect them for their blind devotion to him.
I also gotta say that I would be lying to you right now if I didn’t come out and say that I’m kinda obsessed with Justin Bieber too. Not his music or his artistry or his offers to make fondue. I’m talking about his delightful behavior over the past few months. Just when I think he can’t do anything more ridiculous, he does! He lost another monkey last week. ANOTHER WHOLE MONKEY! There’s no other celebrity who I can say that about right now. Nor is there another celebrity who’s so self-involved that he doesn’t realize that he’s 110% insane. It’s what I like to call magic. Sorry Hogwarts, you’ve got nothing on this kid when it comes to making me feel like something real special’s going on. And that’s why I’m finally jumping on the Justin Bieber train. I beliebe in him too and I beliebe that he will continue to make horrible choices and I also beliebe he will like the monkey I just sent him in the mail.