Remember all last year when you’d have to be super uncomfortable seated across from people on the subway brazenly reading Fifty Shades Of Grey all the time? You yourself wouldn’t be caught dead even picking it up casually in a bookstore, but these people had it out loud and proud, reading from it at any time of the day, not even blushing as they cruised through full paragraphs on…cunnilingus. Blagh. Me, I can’t even say the word, but these people can read about it on public transportation without blinking an eye. And now I’ve lost track of whether there’s something wrong with me or something wrong with them. Oh god.
But anyway, my point is that those days of awkward subway travel are pretty much over, hurray! Except for the casual reader who’s way behind the times still carrying around a dog-eared copy, pretty much everyone who’s going to read it has read it. This is excellent news, so it should surprise you not at all to find out that your happiness is short-lived, and you’re about to be bombarded with Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele in a whole new medium: film.
Yes, that’s right, this mystical Fifty Shades Of Grey movie that we’ve been hearing about for such a long time just got a release date: Friday, August 1st, 2014. Oh boy oh great, this is just exactly what I need. The only thing better than mommy porn you can read is mommy porn that you can see and hear with your eyeholes and earholes. Hurray! There haven’t been any announcements made yet as to casting, but the film will be directed by Sam Taylor-Johnson and produced by Dana Brunetti and Michael De Luca, in case those names mean anything to you.
This is great for people who were obsessed with the book and all, but does anyone else think they kinda missed the curve on this? The book came out in 2011, after all, and hit its peak hysteria last year…and now you’re telling me it’ll be another twelve plus months before anyone gets a glimpse of it on the big screen? Here’s to hoping I get what I want after all and it goes quietly straight-to-DVD.