In news that will make you say “duhhh totes saw that coming from like a billion miles away,” baby North West’s rumored to be making her first big debut on Kris Jenner’s new talk show. While I naturally assumed that Kris sold the first photos of her coming out of Kim’s body to the highest bidder, this plan makes just as much sense to me from a business perspective. As you probably remember from your nightmares, Kris is launching her very own talk show this summer. And as much as people want to watch her in order to learn how not to raise their children, she still needs a hook. Something that will guarantee that people will tune in. What better hook is there than the debut of her new granddaughter? Everyone will be tuning in to get a look at this poor baby — who’s rumored to look like a cross between her mother Kim Kardashian and a pile of cash. At least that’s what I overheard Kris say to her basilisk in a graveyard one night.
According to a source very close to Kanye West (so either God or Jesus Sr.), he’s willing to put aside his “please don’t whore my child out” clause for Kris’ sake.
Kanye isn’t looking to profit off his daughter or use her to boost ratings on anyshow, but “he and Kris are family — he likes her a lot and has mad respect for her. He’d be willing to do her show with his baby,” a source close to the 36-year-old Yeezus artist tells HollywoodLife.com EXCLUSIVELY. “They’re family at the end of the day and family comes first.”
Yes, family comes first! If by family, we mean money. However if we don’t mean money or cash or paychecks, then I think I’m misunderstanding the entire quote. There’s no way they mean family in the way that we mean family. Because if they did, then the baby would probably not be making her first debut on her grandmother’s talk show. And she probably wouldn’t be making a debut at all because that’s crazy. It’s crazy to debut an infant in front of millions. Right? Can we all agree on that?
Also, on a slightly related note, do you think Kris Jenner ever misses her soul? If she lays awake at night and tries to remember what it felt like to kare. Or do you think she’s too busy counting her gold coins and tightening the screws on Bruce Jenner’s face to even think about it? I don’t know. These are just the things that personally keep me awake at night. However the good news is that I won’t have to toss and turn anymore over her ratings — if all of this is true, she’ll be a hit!