I can’t be the only one who’s a little (okay, a lot) worried about Miley Cyrus’ pants. Not just one particular pair of pants, but rather all her pants as a unit. Much like Justin Bieber’s shirts, they can’t be very happy, since they’re never with her. They’re a lot like her engagement ring. Or her fiancee. Zing! But seriously, this is a very sad issue. I mean, I don’t blame her pants if they ran away, since they witnessed her wearing those Frankenstein pants made from sweats and jeans. That’s some pants trauma right there. But I would have liked Miley to pay tribute to her pants on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night. Maybe have a moment of silence or pass out missing pants fliers. But no, she just waltzed out pantsless and unconcerned about her pants’ whereabouts. And the presence of those thigh-high boots must have been hard on the pants if they were watching, since pants can cover her legs just as well, plus they cover her thighs.
Thankfully Jimmy Kimmel isn’t one to ignore people sitting on his couch in only their underwear, since he’s all “Hey, you’re in only your underwear right now.” And then Miley’s all, “Yeah, that sucks for you,” and Jimmy’s all, “Okay, I guess we’re just gonna go on with the interview now.” That’s my paraphrasing, mind you. But really, is she never gonna explain where her pants went?
Well, Miley may not have explained why she and her pants aren’t on wearing terms, but she was kind enough to explain what the hell was going on in that “We Can’t Stop” hallucination/video of hers. Ha ha, I’m just kidding, she doesn’t really explain it. She pretty much just makes me even more worried about her by saying that some of the things in that video were inspired by her real life. And she also explains the meaning behind the some of the video’s most unusual imagery in an even less convincing way than how Kim and Kanye explained why they named their baby North West. That shot of her kissing a doll of herself? She’s wearing a necklace that says “doll,” so it’s “doll on doll on doll.” Do with that what you will, because I can’t figure it out. Also, hey kids out there, that sunglass-wearing, taxidermied goat was just for you, so congrats!