Last night Nik Wallenda crossed the Grand Canyon on a tightrope while Discovery aired it live. For fun. No one put a gun to his head and said “do it or else!” He just decided that would be a pleasant way to spend his evening. He’s like “should I pick out my outfit for work tomorrow and make sure that my pants are ironed or should I put my life at stake on live television. Hmmm. I don’t even own an iron, so life at stake it is!” So keep that in mind the next time you think you’re being daring on a Sunday night by deciding to order something Pad See Ew and not Pad Thai. You’re not. Unless you’re risking death on a live television broadcast (or stepping out before you’ve shed all your baby weight), you’re no longer considered brave.
Due to the fact that every single show ever made feels a need to air on Sunday night, I wasn’t able to watch this death-defying stunt go down live. And after watching this video of it, I think that’s 100% for the best. Have you ever listened to the possible side effects of a medication during a commercial and thought, “I would like to feel all of those things all at the same time, but I don’t have heartburn and therefore will never be able to experience nausea, vertigo, partial blindness, an overwhelming sense of fear and a throbbing headache at once. Blergh!” Yes? You’ve thought that? Great! You’ll be thrilled to learn that you can finally achieve that feeling by watching this Nik Wallenda clip from last night.
I don’t know how people sat through the entire thing because this brief 2 minute and 6 second long clip makes me want to staple my feet to the floor and never move again. And it’s a shame because I totally thought that I conquered all my fears last year — and now I have to add “tightrope walking during the Mad Men season finale” to the list. But please, watch it and enjoy. I’m sure this is just a precursor for next year’s event. That’s the one where he put a tightrope across the Pacific Ocean and moonwalks from California to Japan. Blindfolded. With a tiger.