• Mon, Jun 24 2013

Jon Stewart Is Cheating On Us With Egypt, Just Appeared On Their Daily Show

Jon Stewart on Egyptian version of The Daily Show June 2013I bet you thought you could trust Jon Stewart, didn’t you? Sure, he left us for the summer in the (definitely British, probably capable) hands of John Oliver, but we have a history before that spanning almost a decade and a half. We had a life together, he and I and us, a life based on trust and respect and communication, and so we believed him when he said he needed to take a break from The Daily Show and we just assumed that meant all forms of the show. We’d been kind of pushy lately, and it’s perfectly natural for someone to need a break from a relationship as intimate as ours. It’s not that he’s running away, he’s just taking time for himself, right? Right? We would know if there was a third party involved, wouldn’t we? And besides, Jon would never do that. He respects the bond between us too much to throw it away on some new floozy. I’m sure he’s working on his directorial debut for Rosewater one hundred percent nonstop. I’m sure of it.

OR NOT. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but Jon has moved on right into the arms of another Daily Show. As if the humiliation of him appearing on another program wasn’t stinging enough, he went on the Egyptian version of the same show he left here because he needed space. What the eff, Jon? You’re just straight cheating on us now? Don’t try to deny it, I can see the lipstick on your collar. If you were really going to take up with the show’s host Bassem Youssef so quickly, you could’ve at least respected me enough to sneak around! But this, this brazen display of infidelity is just too too much, Jon.

I thought we had something here. I thought we loved each other. And then you run off and get intimate with my Egyptian twin sister. I don’t know what to say. No but seriously guys, it’s a really cute interview, with Jon even memorizing some Arabic phrases for the beginning of the interview, then moving solidly into English by 2:30 in. If you can get past the devastating betrayal, I think you’ll really enjoy it.

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  • Olivia Wilson

    Whoa there, take a gander at that beard he’s sporting. We never get bearded Jon in America!

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      He saves his best self for Egypt!

  • MCR

    Look on the bright side. He’ll get it out of his system, and when he finally comes back to us, he’ll have a bagful of intriguing new tricks he picked up from this Egypt hussy that he’s just dying to share with us.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Oh my god I should start working out. I don’t want him to be disappointed.