Remember last week when I said there’s really no rumor about the Kardashians that couldn’t be true? Well, apparently I’m correct, because according to the latest reports, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have named their newborn baby daughter … wait for it… North West. You know, that name we heard they were considering but everyone thought must be a rumor? A rumor that Kim Kardashian herself shot down? If we’re gonna make a baby name rumor true, can we make it Kaidence Donda please? That name’s starting to sound pretty good right about now. In fact, a whole lotta names are sounding good right now. Particularly names that don’t suggest geographical directions. Is that too much to ask?
TMZ got a look at the birth certificate because of course they did, and they’re reporting that North West is indeed the name. And Us Weekly adds that according to a source, “They will call her Nori for short.” I’m gonna throw a crazy suggestion out here right now. Maybe they should just name the baby Nori then? Have you noticed that celebrity couples take this “We’re naming him/her this, but we’ll just call her by this” approach all the time? And it’s not like they want to make sure the kid has a mature, professional-sounding legal name to fall back on. BECAUSE HER LEGAL NAME IS NORTH WEST. And the other upsetting news is that the baby apparently has no middle name. So there isn’t even a “Beth” or a “Lynn” to separate the two directions.
Can’t you just imagine Kim and Kanye sitting around going, “We can’t give our daughter a K name. Everyone would make fun of her because it’s such a cliche. We don’t want to turn our daughter into a joke. We can’t choose a K name. Wow, we’re such good people.” And then they picked North West as a substitute. Can we have Kaidence back? Or even just Kimye? Yeezus? Anything? Can anybody hear me? Hello?
I guess we can look on the bright side and appreciate the fact that
if when this baby debuts her clothing line, she’ll have the perfect name for it: North by North West. The logo can be a low-flying crop-duster. So at least there’s some silver lining in this whole situation. That and the fact that North’s life might play out a lot like this movie: