• Thu, Jun 20 2013

Suri Calls Her Mother Katie, Further Proving She’s a 35-Year-Old Socialite Trapped In A Child’s Body

Suri Cruise New York City April 20 2013

Thanks to the amazingness that is Suri’s Burn BookI truly believe that Suri Cruise is an upper-crust socialite who spends her days picking apart the less fortunate. I find it very hard to imagine her doing normal 7-year-old things like attending school daily and playing with barbies and abiding by such pedestrian things like bedtimes. And today’s news that she calls her mother Katie only further my beliefs.

People magazine says that Suri and her entourage showed up to support Katie Holmes as she guest-judged  during the Dancing with the Stars finale this week. And that part of her support included her holding up a post that “we love you Katie.” Not Mommy or Mom or even Mother Dearest. Just Katie. While you could argue that she went with Katie because everyone else with her refers to Katie as Katie, I would argue that Suri Cruise and her entourage have enough pocket change to buy multiple posters.

Which brings me back to my original point: Suri Cruise is a 35-year-old socialite trapped in a child’s body. It’s rare, but it happens. Just look at Miley Cyrus. She’s electric shock therapy trapped in the body of a pop star.

Can’t you just picture Suri’s conversation with her mother before they headed off to DWTS.

Suri: Katie, fetch me a fresh dalmatian. I should like to make a new coat tonight.

Katie: Tonight?

Suri: Yes, tonight and I won’t say it again.

Katie: It’s just that tonight, well, um, I thought you might want to come, remember, with me?

Suri: Oh Katie, Katie, Katie. Why would I ever go to a reality show, with you?

Katie: You’re right, it was a stupid idea. I just thought — no, you’re right. Nanny will be here shortly to feed you dinner.

Suri: Oh fine, if it will stop you from blubbering, I’ll come. But I shant do anything silly like call you mommy. Blech!

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  • Alexis Rhiannon

    Fresh dalmatians make much better coats than stale ones.

    • Jenni

      Oh goodness, you’d never want to make a coat from a stale one.