Everyone drop what you’re doing. Hold everything. I understand that those are extremely contradictory statements, but this is an important moment and I don’t have time to get specific, so just, like…drop your sandwich preparations and hold onto your hats. And extrapolate what to do about other tasks from there or whatever. I don’t know because there’s important Taylor Swift information to be disseminated, and here it is: Taylor has recently joined Vine and her first video is completely outrageous. I’m obsessed with it.
The caption for it is, “At 9pm, I’m either onstage or I’m doing this”, and in only six seconds it manages to hit many of the national requirements for a sad solo night in. First of all she’s watching the movie Titanic ALONE, which is an activity I knew better than to engage in even back in middle school when it first came out. When you watch that movie by yourself, what you’re really saying to the world is, “Yeah, I have three and a half hours free to spend watching the world’s most notorious rom-com again and by myself!” Plus, she’s wearing pajamas at 9:00pm, and she’s rocking the kind of lovelorn look on her face that is really too much for me, as a human being with full-time employment in a snark-related field.
And then, you guys. Then comes the kicker, the part that I’m really excited about, the part that may have represented the beginning of the end for Haylor – her cat. Every twenty-three year old has a cat that they watch television with in their pajamas, right? After a long day of antiquing, when you’re full to bursting with tea and crumpets? I think I’m understanding the typical experience of an early-twenty-something. We all got cats just as soon as we passed the drinking age, and we all gave them the kind of names that would traditionally be bestowed on middle-aged WASPs in floral dresses and pastel hats. So for instance, Taylor’s cat is named Meredith — yes, MEREDITH, and no, I don’t know why that tickles me so deeply – and mine is named Patricia. Perfectly normal cat names on the one hand, but on the other, no wonder Harry Styles was intimidated. There was barely even room on the couch for him with Meredith always sitting there and twirling her pearls like that.