As Lindsay Lohan prepares to transfer to her third rehab facility on this long journey we affectionally call court-ordered rehabilitation, I’m starting to think that choosing a rehab isn’t as easy as we think. Much like picking an appetizer on a TGI Friday’s menu or choosing which oversized t-shirt to sleep in, it’s a complicated situation wrought with consequences.
You see, one time I ordered the fried mac ‘n cheese bites instead of the lobster sliders and then the mac ‘n cheese bites came and my friend got the sliders and they came with 16 butter-infused dipping sauces and I regretted my decision for, um, I don’t know, ever. So I totes understand what Lindsay’s going through right now. Like the glossy photos of the fried mac ‘n cheese bites, rehab brochures can be misleading. (I’m assuming that’s how you pick a rehab. Just like college, there are tons of brochures sent your way and you need to decide which campus has the kids who look the happiest throwing around the frisbee on the quad.)
A California judge has approved the troubled starlet’s bid to leave Cliffside in Malibu and enter Seafield Center in Westhampton Beach, N.Y., which focuses mainly on alcohol and substance-abuse treatment. She will head there in early July. “The staff is getting ready for her,” one insider tells Confidenti@l. “They have a bed and everything ready and know her room and what she’ll be doing.”
Last week Cliffside seemed like a better fit than it does this week. You see one rehab focuses on alcohol and substance-abuse and the other focus on substance and alcohol-abuse. I bet you’ve changed you underwear seven times between today and Lindsay’s last move. So who are you to sit there and judge her for wanting a change. Why I can think of hundreds of thousands of cases where a prisoner decided he would like to be in prison closer to the beach and the state said, “why of course sir, would you like an ocean view room or one overlooking the courtyard?” That’s what makes this country great. Sure you’re locked up, but you get to decide where and when and for how long.
Oh what’s that? That’s not the normal situation? It’s only if you’ve switched bodies with Jamie Lee Curtis. Got it!