Are you guys sure you should still be going to Rihanna concerts? They’re getting to be kind of a crapshoot at this point, dontcha think? Pretty much nine times out of ten, she’s gonna show up super late because of being out late partying the night before, and now she’s taking swings at people, too? What’s the incentive of showing up to an event like that? If I wanted to spend time with someone who was gonna show up late, mumble through a song, and try to hit me in the face, I’d hang out with a baby, amiright? Sure, babies never spontaneously pull anyone onstage to give them a lapdance, but you win some you lose some. I’m not playing any more ‘enjoyable concert roulette’. Even when you win, you end up with a chubby in public. It’s not worth it.
But anyway, back to the night in question — during her song ‘We Found Love’, Rihanna was strolling along a row of audience members, singing, when one of them grabbed ahold of her and wouldn’t let go. Even though she had someone who looked very much like security right there next to her, she apparently elected to take matters into her own hands and hit the person in the face with the microphone. That’s…one way to handle things, I guess. If you’re five. My etiquette coach Beyonce handles them sort of differently, even when someone slaps her ass, but she is a goddess of composure and we are all mere mortals in her heavenly light. Please to enjoy the following video of Rihanna assaulting one of her own fans. I apologize for the overwhelming sound of ten thousand slow-motion howler monkeys in the background. It’s the only clip I could find that really showed the action.