I gotta give a shoutout to John Mayer for doing an excellent job tickling all my gossip bones today. First he put a song that’s almost definitely about Taylor Swift on his new album, for which I’m eternally grateful, and now Katy Perry is spilling the dirt on their relationship, too? It feels like my birthday and Christmas and Arbor Day all rolled into one! There have been reports…or at least, report, about Katy and John spending Memorial Day together, which actually makes sense considering these two apparently broke up amicably because of scheduling conflicts. Here’s what Katy has to say about John:
“I was madly in love with him. I still am madly in love with him. All I can say about that relationship is that he’s got a beautiful mind. Beautiful mind, tortured soul. I do have to figure out why I am attracted to these broken birds.”
No no no, don’t stop there! More, I need more! I want details of this broken bird, and what it is about his bird soul that is so tortured! What can you tell me about his broken bird wings and his broken bird beak? What are his favorite bird things and can he still fly? Will the two of you build a nest together? I’m so filled with curiosity…which I guess I can also sate by listening to Katy talk about her ex-husband Russell Brand, with whom things apparently did not end quite as amicably as we originally thought.
“”He’s a very smart man, and I was in love with him when I married him. Let’s just say I haven’t heard from him since he texted me saying he was divorcing me December 31, 2011.”
Holy crap, seriously? How is this the first I’m hearing of that? That’s ultra-shady. When asked if she thinks Russell’s funny, she says she found him…
“Hysterical in some ways. Until he started making jokes about me and he didnâ€™t know I was in the audience, because I had come to surprise him at one of his shows. So. Hysterical to a point. I mean, I have to claim my own responsibility in things. I do admit that I was on the road a lot. Although I invited him time and time again, and I tried to come home as much as I possibly could.”
Oh damn girl! The truth comes out! She says she thinks her success made Russell uncomfortable, but later learned there was more to it than that, although she won’t discuss exactly what that means.
“At first when I met him he wanted an equal, and I think a lot of times strong men do want an equal, but then they get that equal and they’re like, I can’t handle the equalness. [...] I found out the real truth, which I can’t necessarily disclose because I keep it locked in my safe for a rainy day. I let go and I was like: This isn’t because of me; this is beyond me. So I have moved on from that.”
Hey! Katy! It’s raining out today! Can today be that rainy day you were waiting for? Can we pop open the safe? Because these are some very tantalizing details, and I need some answers, post-haste. At the very least you could just tell John Mayer the details and have him hide them in his upcoming album. That’s the least you could do.
(Image: Christopher Polk / Getty Images)