• Fri, Jun 14 2013

K.Stew And R.Pattz Spotted Holding Hands, Leading Some To Question If She’s Pregnant

Kristen Stewart Pregnant as Bella Twilight

OMG! Did you think that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart broke up? That’s like so, so cute of you. I bet you read that somewhere. Oh here? I am sorry about that. We must’ve gotten hacked. We never would’ve said these two lovebirds broke up when they’re very clearly still sharing the same white undershirt. Just like Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez, they’re destined to be together forever and ever and ever. Just note that “ever and ever and ever” in Hollywood means something different than it does where you’re from. It usually signifies a period of around two weeks to seven years.

How do we know they’re still madly in love. Um, an eyewitnesss saw them holding hands and immediately called the press and was like “you’ll never believe what I just saw!” and the press is like “no you didn’t” and the eyewitness is like “yeah I did” and the press is like “do you have photos” and the eyewitness is like “I respect the privacy of these stars, so um, no. Don’t be rude man.”

You know what people also hold in hands besides other hands? Pregnancy tests. So it’s not really that much of a stretch to go from them holding hands to them holding on to their glory years by having a baby together. Can you say press forever? While our resident podiatrist doesn’t feel comfortable weighing in on her pregnancy right now, we feel pretty confident over here at Crushable HQ that we’re onto something big.

Can’t you just picture them having a baby together. A tiny, sullen little thing who wears nothing but backwards hats and flannel shirts from thrift stores and angry glares. Oooo I can picture the happy family now. The People spread in the nursery with Kristen hiding behind a rocking chair and Rob preparing to not bathe the baby and the baby just giving off an adorable lil stink eye. I’m growing a Baby Gap outlet in my belly just thinking about it.

Fingers crossed that my pregnancy instincts are right on for this one. Just kidding. It’s a waste of a finger crossing when you know it’s the truth. Let the countdown to the most anticipated fan fiction baby of the year begin!

(Photo: Twilight Saga)

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  • Guest

    This story is FAKE! E deleted it and are in panic mode to undo the damage!

    • Jenni

      You know what’s also fake? Our resident podiatrist.

    • http://twilightirruption.blogspot.com/ abbeysbooks

      The adjectives about the baby are hysterical.

  • northGAgirl

    This is one of the funniest stories you’ve posted…because you are right, holding hands…the next thing that will be reported is marriage and babies are imminent ….I can’t wait. Way to be on the cusp of the story, Jenni

    • Jenni

      I’m a cusper, so I appreciate you noticing!

  • Guest

    Yeah, E! online deleted this because they got trolled on twitter. Kind of scary how entertainment websites will just print a random tweet off of twitter, like they never heard of anyone lying on twitter lol. ONTD posted this response between this E! reporter and this lunatic Rpattz stan where they demanded they take it off. Jeez, shippers and RPattz stans are scary based off of that. Haven’t Kstew and Rpattz been broken up or ended their PR arrangement for a month? I wonder when the entertainment websites will get tired of it.

    • Sylvie

      Nothing, and I mean nothing, is funnier than an RPattz fan in full battle mode. They defend him to the death. He doesn’t know who they are, they will never meet him and he would probably be repulsed by them, but they will do all they can to protect his honor. Please gossip gods (and Crushable, of course), keep it coming.

  • jenver

    Jenni, please put a disclaimer on your Robsten blog posts. I just laughed birch beer out of my nose and that sh*t hurts!

    • Jenni

      If I had a dollar for every time someone blamed me for wasting their birch beer, I could buy the Robsten baby

    • http://twilightirruption.blogspot.com/ abbeysbooks

      Not to mention what it does to your keyboard.

  • gas

    I thought he was Kat napping,geez i just cant keep up with the’news’ these days.

    • http://twilightirruption.blogspot.com/ abbeysbooks

      He was. Kat’s full name is Katniss.

  • http://twilightirruption.blogspot.com/ abbeysbooks

    Jenni you betrayed my confidence. I was the one who told you that yes indeed pregnancy could occur from holding hands. All serious religious people know this. And now you revealed what I told you about holding hands getting you pregnant. Well you disguised it a little but anyone reading between the lines as I am knows exactly what you said.

    Kristen has been recovering from her vaginal plastic surgery to pretty up her c%$t up a little. My sources told me that his urging her had born fruit. REALLY AND TRULY! http://occupytabloids.blogspot.com/2013/01/is-rob-pattinson-urging-kristen-stewart.html?zx=9ae1a5686845215b

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