Last night on Chelsea Lately, Melissa Joan Hart took a break from her joint mission with Joey Lawrence to save the ’90s (Buzzfeed already kind of has the covered, but okay) to debut an intricate new hairdo that must have been left over from her Blade Runner remake audition. It turns out she’s reached the point in her career where she writes an autobiography. Everybody who’s anybody has an autobiography. And they get extra credit if they title it something that reminds us of the project they’re most famous for. Melissa titled hers Melissa Explains It All. So far, so expected. But it turns out she’s also reached the point in her career where she brags about making out with Ryan Reynolds. Uh oh, I didn’t think we’d gotten there yet. Slow down there, Melissa.
When Chelsea Handler stand-in Ross Mathews asked Melissa to tell him a juicy story from her book, Melissa wasted approximately zero time telling him about the time Ryan Reynolds starred in the Sabrina the Teenage Witch movie and she made out with him. She starts out by saying Ryan gave her a parting gift on the last day, and the rest of the story plays out like the ending of a romantic comedy, to the point where I had to rewind the video to make sure she was talking about real life and not the characters in her movie. And to be honest, I’m not entirely certain that even Melissa knows whether or not it was real life, because she recalls what went through her mind before she kissed Ryan, and it basically involves figuring out her character’s motivation and whether or not she should be mad at him.
I guess it was only a matter of time before Melissa got to this point. It’s sad that it had to happen so soon, but if it’s not making out with Ryan Reynolds, it’s being painted nude by Ryan Gosling or going to prom with Bradley Cooper. Those are just the stories I expect ’90s stars to tell in the next year. I’m not sure who it’ll be, but I’m sure it’ll happen.
By the way, Melissa also mentions that there’s a scene where Ryan’s character “practically tries to rape” her. I’m assuming it’s this one, in which Ryan wears the ’90s version of that all-white outfit Diane Keaton donned to drink wine with Ellen. It’s bad.