• Fri, Jun 14 - 10:00 am ET

Man Of Steel Could Be At Least An Hour Shorter

Henry Cavill as Superman in Man Of Steel poster June 2013So Man Of Steel comes out today, or last night at midnight if you’re totally hardcore and down to pound it late night with some comic book stylings. I personally prefer to be awake during the day and asleep at night, so I watched it earlier this week, circa daylight hours…and for all my attempts, had trouble keeping my eyes open anyway. Yeah guys, spoiler alert but not really, this movie is not the most engaging of your eyeholes if you didn’t already walk into the movie with a semi-chubby for Superman.

Even if you walk in at half-mast for Henry Cavill, like I did (or, if I’m being really honest, full-mast because hello jawline), there isn’t the most to engage you in terms of plot line, unless you’re super into the concept of a full extraneous hour of redundant, dialogue-less fight scenes at the cost of actual storyline development. That’s a little harsh, I guess, to say that an entire hour could’ve been shaved off. I guess I’d be more comfortable saying forty-five minutes, but let’s bear in mind that it’s currently sitting pretty at 143 minutes…aka just seven minutes shy of TWO AND A HALF HOURS. What is this, Oscar season? It’s a lot.

We start out with an opening sequence establishing Kal-El’s origin story starring Russell Crowe and some floating vagina robots that take orders and rearrange themselves into things that you want when you want them. I’m just getting attached to them and to this strange world of Krypton when suddenly it’s over and we never see any of it again except for Zod, the villain, played by Michael Shannon, who is so angry that his coup didn’t work that he decides to chase a baby through space and time. This is definitely one of those situations where I’m missing out by not caring about the comic books. Time to head to historically unidentifiable Earth, to watch Clark Kent grow up and try to keep his powers secret from everyone except Diane Lane and Kevin Costner, his parents.

Pretty soon, we get to meet Amy Adams as Lois Lane, and the movie does that incredibly annoying thing where they assume you remember what film you’re watching and just remind you of that instead of doing any work to establish a plausible relationship. They’re like — “Okay, Superman movie? Yes? You got that? And that’s (pointing) LOIS. LANE. Did you hear what I said? Lois. Lane. Clark Kent and Lois Lane.” So basically your brain goes, “From my extensive knowledge of living in the world, I know that Clark Kent and Lois Lane go together, so I will expect things to be going thusly when next we meet!” So in the next scene they’re making kissyfaces, and I’m like, excuse me but WHY? Sure, I know they’re supposed to end up together, but presumably neither of them has ever seen a Superman movie before, or even read the comic books, so wouldn’t it be fun if we could do a little more to establish that connection and not make it quite so businesslike? Cool, thanks.

And I won’t give away any more plot details, except to say that I felt the fight scenes got old really quickly. Superman and pretty much everyone he fights is invulnerable, so the drama leaches out of the scenes pretty early. All they do is keep crashing through walls and popping up unhurt; it gets pretty old. Add to that the fact that Superman ends up defeating each foe like three separate times in three separate ways, and I hope you can understand why I took a couple little breaks for snoozles against my will. TWO AND A HALF HOURS, people.

And finally, I bring you to the end of my uneducated, non-geek review of this movie: the plot holes. There were just a lot of things that didn’t make a whole lot of sense, where the movie’s creators weren’t playing to the top of their intelligence. Like, huh? Why is Lois Lane, a reporter, allowed to go on a military mission with absolutely no questions asked, just because she kinda likes Superman? Or why does Clark’s teacher decide to bring his entire class with her out into the hallway to try to talk him out of the janitor’s closet? Or why are there so few military commanders that Christopher Meloni can’t be relieved from duty for the day after his helicopter crashes, and has to go on an identical mission mere hours later? And why are human beings impervious to the energy pulses that are crushing cars into flat objects? It’s very convenient that they’re still able to walk around and make emotional connections with one another even as the air around them is being turned into some kind of vacuum uninhabitable for automobiles. And perhaps most importantly, WHY AREN’T WE WAITING TO FIND OUT WHAT THINGS ARE BEFORE WE START SHOOTING AT THEM. You need to pull it together, armed forces, because you are causing problems.

Bottom line, I suspect this is a movie you will really enjoy if you follow and enjoy the franchise or like really elaborate and impressive CGI fight scenes. It’s a great way to suspend your disbelief and go on a movie adventure for two and a half hours (!!!), but I’m coming straight off of Christopher Nolan‘s much more successful attempts to humanize Batman, so my expectations are a little higher. Maybe this is a great movie for comic-book lovers, and they won’t mind the shortcuts that were taken, but I personally believe that a movie should stand on its own, and I felt that Man Of Steel missed the mark, in that regard. Now where can I pick up my float-y robot vagina? 2023? I’ll be there. 

(Image: Movies.com)

What We're Reading:
Share This Post:
  • Elizabeth Parker

    Snoozles, lol.

    I liked it but I gave it 4.5/5 instead of 5/5 because of the runtime. I agree, they could have chopped like a 1/2 hour off. my review: http://www.yesnofilms.com/2013/06/man-of-steel.html

    (and Lois Lane could have been in it more too. But HENRY CAVILL ABS OMG *DROOL*)

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Yeah Henry Cavill’s bod was killin’ it.

  • Ron

    you know it would have been much shorter because do you think America would let an alien race make the earth uninhabitable for humans and not nuke them ? Granted it would have been a last resport, but trust me Metroolis and the other site would have been nuked and unless the Kyrptonians have some energy shield (which they didn’t), they would have been destroyed and if a 1000Lb JDAM can knock out a superpowered kryptonian a nuke will kill them. PERIOD.

    Either their solar cells would overload and or they would melt from the extreme heat, because a nuclear blast is hotter than the sun at impact.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      You think they would’ve dropped a bomb on their own cities?

    • Erik

      They knew the end result of the machines running (destruction of all human life on Earth) so it was down to a, Nuke a few million people, or let 7 billion people die. Yes I believe they would have nuked their own city. For the mindset that would allow that look up the cold war and MAD (Mutually Assured Destruction).

  • Urizen

    I think you need to watch the movie again, as most of the things you mention have nothing to do with plot holes, ie., things that are important to the logical flow of the story, but have more to do with your own assumptions of what the story should be. There are many justifications given for characters’ behaviour through dialogue or visual cues that are good enough for most viewers. Lois is not “allowed” to go on a military mission, she’s the FBI’s prisoner at first due to the fact that she possesses INSIDE information of Superman that you have to presume the FBI has great interest in. I don’t think the movie needs to answer how humans are “impervious” to the gravity-field generating device. As you should have noticed, it has a radius of impact that is closing in on the characters trapped in the rubble, and is stopped in the nick of time by Superman, so I think you’re just making that part up or you weren’t paying enough attention. Maybe less “snoozles” on next viewing.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Good enough for most viewers, maybe, but not good enough for me! I didn’t think adequate explanations were given for a lot of the important moments, and I stand by the fact that if a pulse is flattening cars, it would at the very least be damaging the ear drums of the humans running around it. Science is fun.

    • rEDkILLER

      Lois is allowed to go on the military mission of bombarding the enemy spaceship in Metrpolis with baby Kal’s little spaceship (if that’s what you’re pointing to) because only she knows how to activate the Phanta-device thing which exists on both spaceships and that the collision of both will destroy the enemy spaceship.

      But the plothole I found is: why Zod couldn’t just terraform any other planet with his Gravity Machine? It is sure possible and that would have made the human extinction inecessary even for a big bad like him. But again maybe he was too evil to take that alternative

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      All she had to do was put the key in and then push it down — how is that specialized knowledge?

  • Pingback: Henry Cavill Trains Shirtless In Teaser For National Guard

  • confused watcher

    you missed the biggest plot hole of them all…
    the new bane of superman is the difference in atmosphere from the two planets… He is strong here and human-like there. A simple switch renders his powers useless. Then they fight and fly in space, where there is no atmosphere, yet all of there powers are intact.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Oh yeah that’s a really good point. I completely missed that!

    • Al

      No, what gives Superman his powers is not the atmosphere of Earth, it is the radiation from a yellow Sun. When he is taken to Zod’s ship, the Science Chief mentions that the Kryptonian atmosphere of the ship negates the effect of the solar radiation. Nothing to do whether he is inside the atmosphere or not.

  • DF

    Plot holes? If General Zod had his troops why did he sent only two people to fight superman ? Why did he need to go to the scout ship alone without escorts ? Where the hell are all the troops ? I know one or two got blasted by Lois but what about the others?

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      More excellent points!

    • A_random_Guest

      Those troops are not warrior-class astronauts. In the ships, are some scientist, militia, etc. Besides, when the girl had her helmet off, she cant get used to earth’s atmosphere; imagine if everyone in Zod’s ship got that same problem.. All his troops would be useless. The only plot hole i can tell about, is why lois get inside the carrier to drop the vessel.

  • Jeroenske

    Why did they want Lois Lane on Zods ship ?

    • A_random_Guest

      Because she’s Kal-el weakness: the need of protecting an inocent human being. If things go wrong, they just use her as a hostage. But they havent thought about Jor-el.

  • Pingback: World War Z Review: Great Suspense, Brad Pitt Can Do No Wrong

  • KBZ

    Hi, I believe Zod wanted Lois Lane in the ship the for the same reason the FBI wanted her. She knew who Kal was. I assumed the spaceship of Zod eventually learned of this through scanning the media/ internet news. I remember the Internet blogger that Lois spoke to told the news outlet her name when the whole “Give me back the unknown alien or I will destroy you planet thing” started.

  • Nuno

    Ok, so, another plot hole: How/why did clark go with the expedition to canada/north pole? Does he know that will be a great spaceship there? What a coincidence….

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Totally! I felt like so much stuff was glossed over!

  • Pingback: Henry Cavill And Kaley Cuoco In New Dating Pictures, Is This Fake?

  • Pingback: Fruitvale Station: Michael B. Jordan Awesome As Oscar Grant

  • Pingback: Fruitvale Station: Michael B. Jordan Awesome As Oscar Grant

  • Pingback: Man Of Steel Sequel Revealed At Comic Con Reveals Batman Will Co-star

  • Pingback: Ben Affleck Gets Cast As Batman, Internet Overreacts

  • Pingback: Matt Damon Defends Ben Affleck As Batman, Insults Character

  • arie

    there is no plot holes. two times i watch the movie. and the movie make me clear everything about superman story. men of steel is the most dramatic superman movies ever made.

  • Richard Lawrence

    Biggest plothole. Zod could and should have terraformed Mars. Plenty of ice and the good things needed to kickstart the world engine. Don’t get why he took the decision to try to destroy Earth.