Happy Friday, you little pearls of wisdom! The weekend is finally here! No, I’m not having a stroke — I just get every other Friday off all summer because the world is a magical place full of candy trees that you can eat the leaves off of and roadways paved with diamonds. Let’s all stroll together down to the Free Pizza convention and redeem our coupon for a free makeout with Ryan Gosling, shall we? Summer Friday are a beautiful thing and I hope you have them too, or that if you don’t, you’re okay with me exalting over it in all of your faces. (That sounded filthy, I apologize.)
Today’s funny video is the official spoof trailer for Candy Crush: The Movie. Before you scoff too hard, it’s not
out of the question — a lot of presumably very intelligent people spent a lot of money last year making Battleship
the movie, so just be glad that this is still only a spoof. For now. It’s a very funny trailer, with lots of inside jokes that I should totally get but don’t, because (gasp!) I’ve never actually played Candy Crush! And before you get all high and mighty assuming I don’t have an iPhone, shut up! I do
have one, I just occupy my brain with more important things when I ride the subway! Like…tabloids andshitty pop songs. Wipe those smirks off your faces this instant! I demand it! Also if you could teach me how to have multiple smirks on the same face at the same time, I’d be much obliged.