If the ’90s passed through any point of your childhood, you can probably (most definitely) recall a point where you either: a) wanted to know the Olsen twins, b) wanted to *be* an Olsen twin, or, c) were an Olsen twin. Sadly, only Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen could experience the third one, so the rest of us had to settle for the first two. And, at least for me, it wasn’t enough to just obsess internally; that obsession manifested itself into everything that I talked about, every gift that I asked for and everything that I watched. Especially everything that I watched. In fact, I’d like to approximate that I’ve spent about a third of the hours I’ve been alive watching Mary-Kate and Ashley straight-to-VHS (and DVD!) movies and that is a fact that I’m completely unashamed of.
So, to celebrate the Olsen twins’ 27th birthday and to give everyone an excuse to stroll down memory lane (located in Nostalgiatown, in the state of Olsenville, USA), I’ve put together an assortment of their movies — not unlike a bowl of party mix — that will get you through any kind of day. Don’t fight it, just scroll down and let the awesomeness that is their cheesy movies with highly unlikely plots wash over you like warm summer beach waves.
New York Minute, For When You’re Having Fangirl Feels
This one is probably the most well-known of all of their movies which might have to do with the fact that it’s the last twin movie that they did (sad face) before resigning to a life of oversized clothing, sunglasses and bags. But it could also be because this movie has everything that the tween girl in you could ever need: a hair salon dance sequence, an FBI investigation (classic Olsen) and an Aaron Carter look-a-like. And this is all literally because Jane reaaallly wanted to meet Simple Plan. Fangirls be crazy. Right, Harry Styles?
The Challenge, For When You’re Having A Bad Day
Poor little Shane and Lizzie can’t catch a break when they’re forced to work together in order to win a game show prize of a college scholarship. I just remember thinking that it must suck to have a twin sister who was nothing like you. Like, what’s the point of having a sister who was basically the same person as you if you won’t even be lifelong BFFs because you hate each other? That was the worst thing my little mind could fathom so it made me really happy when they stopped hating each other. Because, just like bad days, h8ers don’t last forever.
When In Rome, For When You’re Feeling Wanderlust-y
When you feel depressed because you’ve spent too much time on Tumblr reblogging pictures of gorgeous faraway places that may or not be photoshopped, why not just continue digging the knife deeper by watching as Leila and Charli have fun Italian adventures. The upside, though, is that that eliminates the following common travel problems: having an appropriate amount of liquid in your carry-on bag, remembering to bring your passport when you leave for the airport, and spending your entire flight planning your escape in case the plane you’re on crashes. You’re welcome!
Getting There, For When You’re Feeling Adventurous
When I turned the big one-six, I celebrated by wearing a very puffy dress and torturing all of my loved ones with 16 speeches that were, in hindsight, the most boring things ever. Mary-Kate’s and Ashley’s characters Kylie and Taylor would have definitely disapproved of 16 year-old me; they celebrated their entry into adulthood (it’s a clubhouse that isn’t very exclusive) by going on a secret road trip and were truly 2 cool 4 school. By secret, I, of course, mean that their parents didn’t know because parents are the biggest authorities in a 16 year-old’s life.
Passport To Paris, For When You’re Feeling Romantic
This movie beginning is the equivalent of being at a middle school dance when the DJ suddenly puts on the slow jam for “all the lovers in the house”. While the characters that the Olsens play fall in love in every movie, this one is literally centered around them falling in love (with boys and with Paris, like true blue tourists). If you’re feeling romantic and don’t have time for rom-coms starring people your own age, watching American tweens fall madly in love with French boys will do the trick, too.
And, of course, You’re Invited To Mary-Kate and Ashley’s Sleepover Party, For When You’re Just Craving Some Fingerlickin’ P-I-Z-Z-A.