In an Instagram photo scandal that’s sure to make you say, “I’m sorry, you’re trying to tell me this supposed human being is a famous person I should care about!?”, model Cara Delevingne shared a revealing photo of herself last night that’s starting to make the rounds. While we always assumed that the 20-year-old model possessed nipples, we never really knew for sure until last night. How do you ever really know for sure who has nipples and who doesn’t? After all, it’s not really something that you can go up to someone and inquire about in polite company.
“Hi, we met last month at that other networking meeting. May I be so bold as to ask if you have nipples? And if so, how many”
While Cara’s apparently famous for being a model, we know her around these parts for maybe dating One Direction’s Harry Styles last summer – and subsequently getting pretty intense death threats from all of his super loyal and very rational fans. I don’t know if I’ve personally spent too much thinking about her since then. But that’s only because my brain only has room for 19 of Harry Styles’ alleged girlfriends at any given point — sorry Car Bear, someone’s got to go.
Why she chose to share her nipple with us last night’s currently unknown. But I for one am always happy to see a celebrity sharing her own NSFWish photos with us. Not because I want to see naked photos, but because it feels a lot like sleazy than seeing people pass around a photo around of a naked celeb that wasn’t taken to be passed around. Like the horribly creepy photo of Reese Witherspoon from yesterday that showed a photo of her butt being exposed when the wind — an uncontrollable force of nature — blew up her skirt. It’s bad enough that paparazzi stalk her so closely that they capture the millisecond-long moment on camera, but it’s even worse that they then sold the photo to outlets. Like, really? I know morals are hard to come by these day, but maybe try some on for size.
So yeah, I guess what I’m trying to get in this essay is that the paparazzi should stop being so creepy — and more importantly, that you and Cara basically have the same body. After all, you both have at least one nipple.