In what we’re guessing is an attempt to get Twilight fans to buy expensive designer products with the spare change they collect in a plastic Edward Cullen head (or whatever teenagers use to store money these days), Robert Pattinson has been announced as the new face of the fragrance Dior Homme. “Homme” means “man” in French, so it’s a fancy way of saying it’s a men’s fragrance. So get ready to run into a lot of 13-year-old girls who smell like fancy French men. I’m assuming.
I guess the girls could also just buy the fragrance for their boyfriends so they smell like R.Pattz. But for some reason I prefer to imagine these girls wanting to smell like Robert Pattinson themselves. Because I wouldn’t put it past them, and also it’s funny for me to think about personally. Girls show up at school and their friends are like, “What’s that you’re wearing? You smell like my dad. My fancy French dad.” And the girls wearing the Dior Homme say, “No I don’t. I smell like Robert Pattinson. Shut up.”
There apparently have been rumors that this would happen for months now, and there was also a report about the ads, which are supposed to be “sexually explicit” and involve toplessness and tongue-kissing and a foursome. I personally don’t really want to smell like those things, but whatever floats your boat, I guess. So far we don’t have any confirmation about the foursome. Or even about a threesome. Just that it’s broadcasting in Europe (no UK, though) and Asia (except China and Japan). So Twihards can go back to focusing on Rob’s breakup with Kristen Stewart (That happened, right? It’s so hard keeping track) before they start freaking out over a potential [number]some. Maybe a cumbersome [number]some. I’m here all week, guys.
We also got a photo to go with all this hubbub. And it’s pretty disappointing, I must say. Don’t get me wrong, Rob looks very nice. I’m a fan of the stubble, and I’d be a liar liar pants on fire if I said I wasn’t tempted to cuddle up against that flannel. But this is not what I’m used to from fragrances or fashion in general. Why isn’t he covered in red paint or wearing a koala bear mask or something? Isn’t that what sells fancy stuff these days? Can anyone hear me? Where’d you all go?
(Photo via Marie Claire)