I’ve got some bad news for everyone who is obsessed with America’s adopted sweetheart, Emma Watson. If you belong to that group or are the owner of eyes, ears, a television or the internet, then you’ve seen the previews for This Is The End and know that she stars in it alongside Seth Rogen, James Franco, Danny McBride, Jay Baruchel, Chris Robinson, and Jonah Hill. Except, what’s that, you say? She doesn’t actually star alongside any of them but, in fact, only makes a small cameo? Impossible! Promotional materials for movies never lie! Except, you know, when they do.
Sadly (or not) that’s the case with this movie, which totally promises a whole bunch of Emma Watson but only delivers, like, 6 minutes of her. Emma’s wasn’t the only cameo, but of all of them, I cared about hers the least. And, to top it off, she was pretty mediocre during that time. I get that the movie was full of really funny people so it’s easy for someone like Emma, who is new to comedy, to get lost in the crowd. But, you know, I’m not so sure that the rest of the cast is to blame here; ever since she hung up her Hogwarts robe, she’s been suffering from some a serious case of Meh, which is a disease that causes everyone who watches you act to shrug their shoulders and say, “meh.” She wasn’t bad in Perks of Being a Wallflower or in Bling Ring, she just wasn’t great. You didn’t walk out of the theater pumping your fist in her honor.
Poor Emma, forced to carry on her shoulders the great burden of being a phenomenal actress when the little girl inside of her is only able to be a decent-to-good actress. Every director in America’s foaming at the mouth to throw her in their films (presumably because she’s got that accent that makes everything that she says sound profound) but she’s never actually all that great in them. And after she films her okay scenes, they go on to be advertised as if she stole the entire show away, when she actually just quietly knocks on the door and asks if can *borrow* the show. Why isn’t anyone up in arms about this yet?!
I think that the movie would have done just fine without all of the Emma hype and kind of wish they’d chosen to keep it a surprise, like they did with (spoiler!) Channing Tatum‘s surprise cameo. While Emma’s pantry robber character doesn’t even hold a candle to Channing’s sex-slave-on-a-leash character, it would’ve been so much more fun if we never knew that this (seemingly) sweet girl would hit Seth Rogen in the face with the handle of an ax. Doesn’t that sentence just sound like such a party when it comes out of nowhere? I feel like it does and I’m willing to bet that the woman sitting next to me who literally cried from laughter when Channing came onscreen would agree.
And, look, I’m not picking on her. She’s honestly got a lot going for her, like the fact that she’s beautiful, smart, beautiful, scandal-free, and beautiful. It’s not everyone 20-something who can attend an ivy-league school, act in blockbuster films and model for major designers without turning into an out-of-control monster diva. But, let’s face it: we should stop trying to make Emma-Watson-the-Amazing-Actor happen because it’s a waste of everyone’s time. In this cruel, cruel world, not all little wizard child actors grow up to be awe-inspiring adult-sized actors. I vote that we, as a people, work toward ending our eleven-year obsession with Emma Watson and realize that it was really just an obsession with Hermione Granger.
We’d all be better off just continuously re-watching all eight Harry Potter movies in a row for the rest of our lives while we let Emma work on something that doesn’t involve her spending two hours making a face like someone is pouring ice water down the back of her shirt. And if someone actually *is* pouring freezing cold water on actresses while they are filming movies, isn’t there some union that can step in and stop them from doing that? Because I’m almost positive that that’s torture.