It never ceases to amaze me how Dance Moms went from a show about gossipy moms who happen to have kids in dance to a heavily scripted drama that doesn’t even pretend to be realistic anymore. This week on the show, Abby Lee Miller decides to teach Christi Lukasiak a lesson by emotionally abusing her young daughter Chloe Lukasiak. It’s heartwarming. If your heart’s constructed of coal and poisonous berries and ravenous vultures.
You see Christi’s always claiming that Maddie only beats Chloe because she’s given better dances. And Abby’s always like, “um duh, I like her better!” And Christi’s like, “that’s not fair Abby. Also you’re fat. Also we’re quitting. Also I want to be famous so we’re only pretend quitting.” It’s a tale as old as time. You can skip Dance Moms for weeks on end and not miss a beat in this story line. I know this, because I did just that. I stopped watching a few months ago because I got so tired of the repetitiveness. So color me not surprised when I turned it back on last night and saw that we’ve made no progress in this department.
Sorry I lied, there is progress. Abby Lee Miller’s so obsessed with being a TV star that she’s forgotten what it’s like to have any sort of morals. While I do believe that she once cared about the children in her own way, I’m now not too sure. If she does care about their well-being at all, I can’t explain why she agreed to this ridiculous plot that involves Chloe and Maddie doing the exact same solo at the same competition in an effort to determine once and for all who’s a better dancer. While I’m sure Maddie and Chloe know that it’s just a show, I’m not so sure they completely understand that. They’re pre-teens. They’re not completely capable of understanding what part of their lives are scripted for dramatic reasons and which parts are actually really happening. Middle school’s hard enough with the drama without adults coming in and creating more. But alas, the parents and Abby Lee Miller proved long ago that their needs (for money) comes before the childrens’ needs to grow up into functioning adults who don’t harbor giant resentments toward their mothers.
So onward and upward with this solo-off. Underdog Chloe surprisingly wins it — which makes Christi a little too happy because we’re talking about two emotionally fragile girls here. Every time one wins, the other one really loses. However I guess that’s part of this show — parents doing whatever it takes to get their kids ahead, even if that means pushing another kid down. For more examples, please see the way Asia’s Mom Kristie talks about Mackenzie. It’s uncomfortably clear from this episode alone that they’re already setting up Maddie versus Chloe 2.0 with Asia and Mack. You know, just in case Christi and Jill accidentally Tonya Harding Maddie one day, they’ll have these two nuggets just waiting in the wings.
Moments after finding out that Chloe won, there’s a fun little scripted twist where the judges re-tally their scores at Abby’s request and announce that Maddie actually won. Which I suppose means that Maddie’s the better dancer overall. Or that the adults on this show are all officially insane. Either way, I hope these moms are putting money aside for all the future therapy sessions that their daughters will need to get over this show.