• Tue, Jun 11 2013

The Only 7 Things Less Surprising Than Finding Out Keeping Up With The Kardashians Is Scripted

Kourtney Kardashian Breast Milk Quote

Welp, it turns out that the hit reality show Keeping Up With The Kardashians is scripted. But you probably already knew that because it’s 2013 and we learned many moons ago that there’s no such thing as reality TV. As Gob Bluth would say, it’s an illusion. Behind every great reality show lies a huge team of people who are paid to come up with enticing story arcs for the season. Sure the crazy isn’t usually scripted in, but what the people do with their crazy definitely is. See every reality show ever for further information.

With the exception of time travelers from the olden days, I don’t really understand how people can possibly can still act surprised when they find out that reality shows are scripted. And by people, I mean our gal pals at Radar Online. This morning they published an expose (and yes, I believe this is the proper use of the word expose) called, “What Reality? Kardashian TV Show Scripted From Magazine Articles That Reveal Their Secrets.” It goes on to talk about how the KUWTK scriptwriters read the tabloids for Kardashian stories and then work those stories into the upcoming season’s plot. You know, since tabloid coverage usually means those are the story lines that people are most interested in. Color me bored. This is the 8th least surprising thing I learned recently.

Here are the only 7 things that made me yawn more.

1. Kanye West went on a rant at Governor’s Ball. Which bring his 2013 rant total up to 673.

2. Another Duggar baby arrived on this planet. So expect the next one in about 4 – 6 weeks. (Or 10 days if you sign up for Amazon Prime today!)

3. Lena Dunham came out publicly to say she doesn’t care about her haters. After all, it’s hard to hear them over the sound of all her gold coins raining down upon her.

4. Justin Bieber’s taking a quick trip to Space. Unlike those lame-ass clubs on planet Earth, the galaxy doesn’t ID.

5. Channing Tatum fed a puppy with a spoon. I mean duh. I didn’t waste my birthday wish on something stupid.

6. The woman that Miguel crotch-straddled from above at the BBMAs is having medical problems. Because she’s a human being and not a trampoline.

7. Michael Douglas contracted and subsequently cured his throat cancer by having oral sex. I paid attention during 9th grade biology. 

(GIF: Tumblr)

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